By Kevin Hyzak

One slow day of work and you’ll realize, for all this talk of being “worldwide” and “entertaining,” the web can be pretty effin’ small and boring.  Thankfully, there’s one more pit stop along the information superhighway to get you through those dull days of surfing the internet: FatVictor.com.

I cannot confirm or deny the rumors surrounding the creation of FatVictor.com (or FVDC, as the cool kids are calling it), mainly because I was too lazy to do any serious fact checking.  Did Howard Stern, Chuck Norris and Bill Gates build the site to piss off Obama?  Did ESPN’s latest April Fool’s joke go viral?  Did a couple of local Worcester State guys with the fake initials JQA and LJP create the site because they were sick of going to multiple websites to get their fix of sports, chicks and jokes?  Who knows.  Actually, JQA and LJP probably know . . . ask them, I guess ( and yes, I do know their real names, but I swore I’d never tell…unless the price is right…but I digress).

FVDC posts the Song of the Day a couple times per month, too.  Awesome songs ~ the writers have good (as in, right in line with my) taste and it’s always a good idea to expand your musical horizons.  Would not stay up late refreshing your browser, though, waiting for the next one to show up.   The site also offers daily words of wisdom . . . bi-weekly.  Despite the misleading name (wisdom, shmisdom), these tidbits are hilarious and helpful.  As a result, I now conceal my porn better; the cardboard box labeled “corn” [or “not porn”] was apparently not adequate.

They tackle sports in a funny way, much like Bill Simmons, but in decidedly less, uh, can I say douche-y, fashion.  There’s fantasy advice, predictions, opinions, recaps . . . and, unlike ESPN, plenty of hot chicks.  Upset that your outlet for news either sucks (C-Span) or completely lacks hot chicks (CBS)? (Note: yes, the chicks on C-Span are hotter than Katie Couric – kaboom!).  Problem solved.  FVDC combines everything a guy needs or could possibly want to know.  It’s one stop surfing for the bored, or skilled multitasking, male.

The single greatest part of the site is a game called Match My Bucket.  Similar to Soduku, the object is to correctly align pictures of girls’ asses with their faces.  And these are local girls, not fake TMZ paparazzi pics, which adds to the strange awesomeness.  So, I guess the FatVictor crew somehow gets girls to volunteer for this?  . . .  Totally excellent, especially since the panty-lines are often ridiculously apparent.  Funny, girls tell me all the time not to stare at their ass . . . but, I guess if I just told them I was going to take a picture of their ass and post it online it would be cool?  The possibility that you could use this as a conversation starter at the bars (“Excuse me, but I have definitely matched that bucket before”) is even more excellent.

The FVDC crew also sponsors events, bringing the good times directly to the people.  They’ve already hosted two huge Pong Tournaments (29 teams at the first one!) at the Gale House. A whiffle ball tournament is also in the works.  Be sure to check out the website for other future events (and, it goes without saying, the aforementioned buckets)!

FatVictor.com