Another year has wrapped up and you know what the means Worcester needs to get their priorities in order and decide what their New Year’s Resolutions are going to be. It has been a tumultuous year for Worcester sports. The Massachusetts Pirates moved out, the Worcester Red Sox have been sold, and Holy Cross Football coach Bob Chesney has left. There were some positives to think back on, North High boy’s basketball won the state championship, the Worcester Railers had Bert Kreischer wear their jersey as he walked onto the stage, and Italy and Brazil won the Women’s and Men’s Worcester World Cup, respectively.
So now it is time, I’m going to give Worcester the sports resolutions that they desperately need to set. Worcester has a bunch of things they need to tackle (PUN INTENDED) and I’m going to set the bar high for this city.
- Get in shape. It is imperative Worcester gets in shape. A lot of you don’t have a gym membership and it shows. Okay sure, you all can’t afford one, and that is fine. Go for a run, or a walk, or use one of the many outdoor gyms at our city’s parks. But folks, I think part of the reason Worcester can be cranky about things is that we aren’t doing enough aerobics. We aren’t getting the blood pumping, just getting the blood boiling. Let’s get in shape, people.
- Buy the Worcester Red Sox. Green Bay, Wisconsin has set up a non-profit, publicly owned corporation that is the Green Bay Packers. I think this is brilliant. There are approximately 537,460 stockholders who collectively own 5,200,000 shares of stock. Pretty much the whole town shows up for their shareholders meetings and vote of actions by the team. They helped in the decision to get rid of Aaron Rodgers. They are the reason Brett Favre retired and then unretired because he couldn’t face the ENTIRE TOWN in telling them he didn’t want to play for them anymore. This could be real fun and have some hilarious implications. I’ll get the offer sheet written up. Let’s buy this thing.
- Bring Omega Ball to Worcester. If you haven’t heard of this insane sport it is ridiculous. Omega Ball is a circular pitch, where there are 3 goals set up and there are 3 teams. They all can score on every net but their own. They all score at any moment. Cherry picking is allowed. There are no throw-ins, only free kicks and you can score from there too. It would be so fun to have this very silly sport hosted here. Whether we get a team, or host a tournament it would be so fun to watch this sport in person and have it in Worcester proper.
That’s it. Those are your resolutions, Worcester. Let’s get our act together and be the best us in 2024. As resolutions go, we don’t have to achieve 1 or any of them, but we have to try. We have to strive to be the best little sports town we know of to be. So get your flabby gut off the couch and go work out, then set up a non-profit and start taking shareholder meetings, and finally learn how to play Omega Ball and let’s get chaotic. Happy New Year, Worcester.