Halloween

Should There Be an Age Limit?

By Michael Walsh

Halloween gives us an opportunity to express our inner selves and our inner fantasies (take that as you will) through extravagant clothing choices and, when called for, a generous dose of colored corn syrup. In past years, I myself have been fortunate enough to pull off costumes ranging from Peter Pan to Otto Rocket and the wildly popular Keith Stone (in 2010).

While in college, it’s pretty much anything goes on All Hallows’ Eve. But upon graduation, we are faced with many difficult decisions ~ including how to spend the final night of October now that it’s no longer cool to ring doorbells and hold out a pillowcase (for the greedy amongst us) or a plastic pumpkin pail.

The problem is that there are no strict guidelines, no laws, for Halloween. Once you hit 21, you can spend the night at a bar trying to get that slutty Alice to come see your Wonderland, or you can turn out all the lights outside your house and scare the crap out of the neighborhood kids by jumping out at them when their little ghostie and princessy selves come a-knockin’ for treats (bonus points if you can get a wee goblin to wet itself).

Some adults throw Halloween parties. This is dangerous territory ~ a difficult line to walk, between lame and scary, fun and embarrassing. Do you show really horrific horror films and risk grossing out half your guests? Do you have a costume contest and hope for not too many aging Britney Spears or guys who still think dressing up as Borat is hilarious? Or do you skip any sort of theme whatsoever and just reminisce about how much fun Halloween used to be when you ran around in “Scream” masks?

So, I ask, is there an appropriate age to stop dressing up and carve a giant “L” into your Jack-o-lantern?

Some people are just born “over it” and are the Halloween equivalent to Christmas’s Ebeneezer Scrooge. Costumes never held any appeal, and neither did having their parents drag them from house to house for absurdly tiny candy bars that Mom inevitably seized, fearing them poisoned or hiding a razor blade.

For others, that age hit in the middle of high school when they got to be “too cool.” I feel sorry for these people. They missed out on all the slutty outfits, bar hopping and toilet paper tossing that every young adult should experience…well, except the pranks that ultimately involved disappointed parents opening their door to see you ~ accompanied by two adults dressed very convincingly as cops ~ but not celebrating the holiday.

For some, that age may never come. They will avoid that maturity like a young Jamie Lee Curtis sprinting from the menacing Michael Myers. Women will spend money on Daisy Duke costumes that would be better spent on a Planet Fitness memberships. Men will dress up like Gerard Butler’s King Leonidas in 300, oblivious to the fact that they look much more like John Candy in his heyday (Daisy, meet John).

Costume or not, though, we should all enjoy Halloween, so I will leave you with this final thought: though werewolves, vampires, and zombies may be scary in their own right, there is nothing more horrifying than hearing a knock at your door and opening it to reveal your demon of a Philosophy professor sporting a French maid’s costume.