By Thomas Hodgson

Too Human is the baby left on the gaming industry’s doorstep. It is the bastard child of many different fathers. Originally slated for a Playstation release, it was then moved to production on the Nintendo GameCube, where developers Silicon Knights set the project aside to concentrate on other releases. Nearly 8 years later and off the chopping block, the game now lands on our Xbox 360 consoles, and it seems as though things were lost in translation.

With all the expectations set for Too Human, it doesn’t seem to come as much of a shock that many of them aren’t met after years which have allowed original designs and concepts to rust. Holding a game this high on a pedestal makes every shortcoming seems like the Spice Girls performing a show without Posh or Sporty. And for tonight’s show, none of them show up.

Too Human is a third-person action adventure role-playing game (RPG). As Baldur, a cybernetic Norse god, you are sent to save humanity from the threat of a machine presence looking to conquer mankind. And cue Sarah Connor.

Much of the lore surrounding Too Human was due to the promise of Diablo-esque dungeon looting, which is surprisingly alive and well. Weapons and armor of all varieties are dropped through your quest. Blueprints for more powerful and badass items are dropped and can be created with enough funds while socketed items, which allow character enhancing runes to be inserted in them, provide infinite enjoyment with your new toys.

The only other redeemable thing to this game’s name is the character upgrading through skill trees. Skill trees are always a fail-safe way to enhance the RPG experience, and of all things is the only thing Too Human gets spot-on. The added ability to re-map them at any given time is a sight for sore eyes, as points can get spread too thin amongst branches you later regret.

The other solid portion of the pre-game publicity was the controls. At first glance, the combat system (a combination of moving the left and right analog sticks in synchronized directions) looked like it had the potential to revolutionize the industry. A simple, easily manipulated attack system that flows almost seamlessly as you hack and slash combos well into the hundreds — who could argue with that? Seamlessly was the word I first had in mind in the initial hour. But as the game progresses, you start to witness extremely glitchy and repeated animations, many of which don’t line up when attacking. The greatest example is a mid-air combo that leaves you stuck floating over a group of enemies, hovering like an air hockey puck. The computer-guided camera system also makes for an absolutely miserable experience.

Graphically, the game looks no different than a Playstation 2 title, and lags at random times once multiple enemies and explosions are on the screen.

And if a game is remembered for one thing, it’s the boss battles. You’ll remember these boss battles like you remember watching Ernest Goes to the Bus Station. There was no medium: they were either the equivalent of punching through paper-maché or punching through a stone wall. Any and all difficulty you may have from these bosses, though, doesn’t come from the fact they’re actually crafty or intelligent. It comes from how asininely long you have to sit there and shoot them before their armor breaks down.

The most major problem with this game is the level scaling. It’s just one giant uphill battle on a treadmill and you’ll get tired quickly of hanging in an adversary limbo, seemingly not moving anywhere at all. Enemies are automatically scaled to your level, leaving you constantly trying to find some solid ground. For the most part, things never ease up and you are never given the chance to actually enjoy your rare looted items because they are already outdated.

Multiplayer is a whole other train wreck in its own right because of this. Outside of only being co-op for two players, you are literally dragging a companion through the mud if he is nowhere near your character level. All enemies are automatically scaled to the highest player, so your partner gets to sit back and enjoy a beating equivalent to a 10 year old fighting Mike Tyson. You can only take so many punches to the face before you get too infuriated.

Almost as useless as the level scaling, the squad AI are literally toy soldiers that are just knocked down, bowling pins that enemies get strikes on every single time.

And speaking of dying, you can’t. As a god, you are resurrected every time you die, an unavoidable sequence which takes a solid minute to watch every single time. Not being able to die also takes away from any real sense of purpose this game attempts to offer.

Too Human was many things: too short, too unbalanced, too unpolished, too glitchy, and too incomplete. The ending leaves you like a Hollywood movie setting up for sequels. Instead of creating a masterpiece, the planning here was for the big picture. You’re given a small dose of mediocrity as a stepping stone for releases two and three. And it’s not like the game was rushed — it had 8 years to find itself.

Silicon Knights has helped further ruin my faith in pre-game hype. Much like Two Worlds (the gaming industry’s coaster), Too Human is just exhibit B in the case study of judging a book by its cover. If gods are perfect and humans are flawed, then this game is just that: too human.