How to Do It Right
By Chad Varnas

There are few days that men look forward to: the date they get married (or divorced), the release of the newest John Madden football game (Which just may be equipped with a new 4-4 cheerleader mode), the day the Yankees are officially eliminated from playoff contention and ~ last but not least ~ the day their Fantasy Football draft is held.

Millions of people all over the world play fantasy football in hopes of becoming the king or queen of their respective league(s). The concept behind fantasy football is that you draft players for each position; usually, it’s 2 QBs (if you don’t know what QB stands for, then stop reading and continue watching tennis) 2 Rbs, 2 WRs, a TE, a kicker and a defense. As the season progresses, you receive or lose points based on what your players do. If your QB throws a TD, it’s worth 5 pts, but if he throws an interception, you lose 3 pts…and so on.

Some leagues play for fun, while others (that this writer and publication would never, ever endorse) play for cash prizes. Similar to a WSOP bracelet, it’s more about bragging rights than it is about the money. And while there are fantasy leagues for every sport from baseball to hockey to even NASCAR (no confirmation, but there may even be a fantasy league in which you can draft your favorite celebrity and see who can get arrested the most), fantasy football remains king. So, what should one do and not do the day of the draft? Well, that’s what this article is here for, a sort of Dos and Don’ts for all those looking to be crowned the winner.

Step One: Wake up on time. While this suggestion may seem as simple as placing a safety guard on any gun carried by Dick Cheney during a hunting trip, every year there’s that one person that always holds up the scheduled 1:00pm start time because he thought that Patron with a Doritos chaser would be a good idea. Make sure to get a good night’s sleep before the big game. Treat it as if you were a pro athlete. I mean, how many football players go to strip clubs or night clubs the day before a big game? Well, excluding of course the entire Cincinnati Bengals roster, that is. A good night’s sleep will avoid such problems as thinking it’s “cool” to draft an entire team with the same last name.

Be Prepared: Every year for my fantasy football team, we have a guy…let’s call him Idiot. Every year, Idiot shows up with the morning paper and tries to find the predictions section for the upcoming season. He then proceeds to use this as his only weapon for the upcoming draft war. That would be like the president sending thousands of U.S. troops into a senseless war….umm….wait, bad analogy.

Do Your Research: Simply put, you need to review some magazines so that you can decipher which RB is worth taking a chance on and which QB is more likely to be working at Wal-Mart next season than driving his team down the field. But please, don’t be the person who collects every magazine since the end of last year. Two or three should provide more than enough information to help you through the day. If that’s not enough, back to tennis…

Look for Sleepers: We all know about Brady, Manning, L.T., and the rest of the fantasy football studs who make owners look great when they draft them. But what happens in Round 6 may be just as important as far as fielding a winning team. Drafting a sleeper is the way to balance out the teams. Say for instance you have the 10th pick out of a 12 team league. While you may miss out on the bigger names early, drafting a player that is flying under the radar can really help. Take last year, for instance, when a player like Vince Young or Reggie Bush was still available in nearly 57% of leagues after Round 3. Young was the A.P. offensive rookie of the year, while Reggie Bush helped the Saints into the NFC Championship game. Of course, this thinking can backfire as well. Drafting a highly publicized rookie and then watching him sit on the bench is never fun, so make sure to do some research.

Don’t Draft all the Players from Your Favorite Team: This one may seem like a simple rule, but time and time again, people feel the need to have only Patriot players on their roster. While some Pats like Brady, Watson, and Maroney may be viable fantasy players, chances are Troy Brown will not be. And also, don’t avoid players from certain teams. Sure, I hate Peyton Manning as much as the next Patriots fan, but if he’s the best player available, then you have to take him. Remember, it’s fantasy, so you can always pretend to like him and when his 347 commercials come on, cuss at the television like you’d cuss if you saw the director of “The Sopranos” (Seriously, how could you an end a show like that!?).

Last but Not Least, Make Sure to Talk Some Smack: A lot of these leagues consist of co-workers and friends, so proclaim it loud and proud when you beat an opponent so badly that his own mama would be ashamed. Play in a league with your boss and beat him? Send an inter- office email that reads “After defeating Mr. Johnston last week, I have won the right to share with you all that he also wears leopard print thongs while dancing to his Duran Duran CD collection.” It’s all in good fun. Just remember that the only things off limits are children. Wives are fair game, as long as it’s agreed upon in the league. Sorry, Ladies, but dem’s the rules.

So that’s it, a surefire way to have a successful fantasy football draft. Be on time, be prepared, draft some low key players, draft from more than one team and give the other players in the league a hard time. By following these simple steps, you should be able to field a solid team that can help you get to the top of the fantasy football mountain. Now, it’s off to obtain the newest copy of Madden ‘08…wonder if that cheerleader mode has finally made it into the game.