thePULSEThe Five Worst Types To Date: BEWARE!
By Nicole Steina
Editor’s Note: This time, our “She” got to state her point of view first and our “He” will get to respond in next month’s installment of “He Says, She Says.” So tune in then to see how this friendly “dialogue” between the sexes unfolds!
Anyone who knows me can vouch for the following statement: Jerks Love Me. No really, they do. I have been in a relationship with every kind of bad apple known to mankind ~ or should I say known to womankind! I’ve had a few boyfriends in my 12 years or so of dating and I have seen it all, folks. Looking back on my ex-boyfriends and all the years of heartache (made slightly less achy by the fact that I got to dump each and every one of the Jerks!) I started to ask myself, “Am I attracting the wrong types of guys?” And then came the scary though, “Or am I attracted to them?” But had I not gone through all those trials and tribulations, I wouldn’t be able to now bring you…
5. The Invisible Man
Oh, the fond memories….you dated The Invisible Man and everything was going so well….and then he suddenly stopped calling. He stopped taking your calls and returning your emails. It’s as if he literally dropped off the face of the earth! Did he fall into a pool of quick sand never to be seen or heard from again? I wish it were that simple to explain! Apparently, this man is just a coward ladies, plain and simple. He decided ~ for whatever reason ~ that he just isn’t happy anymore. Or maybe he found someone else. Who knows. We sure don’t. Instead of having the old breakup conversation or having the decency to call and tell you he wants out, he just disappears. *Poof!* There are no warning signs when it comes to The Invisible Man…beware!
4. The Control Freak
Unfortunately, I know this jackass all too well…I’ve dated way more than my share! The Control Freak disguises himself as the ever-so-loving, almost obsessed boyfriend…so be careful! He starts off as nearly too perfect, telling you constantly how much he loves you, calling you all the time to check up on you and to see how you are and what you are doing. And for how long. And with whom. He seems so concerned and thoughtful, doesn’t he? But the next thing you know, he’s calling you all night (the best argument against cell phones!) when you’re out with the girls, driving by your house to see if you are home like you said you would be, telling you what he prefers you wear and which of your friends he doesn’t like. Very quickly, he turns from The Thoughtful Guy to The Crazy Guy! The Control Freak usually presents his true self after a month or two, so keep your eyes open for the warning signs and believe me…get out as soon as you can! These men only get worse and more controlling…you can’t change them!
3. The Egomaniac, aka The Man in The Mirror
“Hi, My name is Nicky and I love Egomaniacs!” We all know this one, ladies. He’s hot, in great shape, has a great wardrobe…and when you got out with him you have to take two cars so that he and his ego can ride together. They can’t stand to be separated. We are attracted to his confidence, his sense of style and his perfectly waxed eyebrows ~ but in many cases, that’s all our boy has to offer. He has no concept of love (well, unless you count loving himself, in which case he’s a true romantic!). He can’t wait to go shopping with you ~ but only so that he can drag you to all his favorite stores and then proceed to ask you how he looks in every outfit as he puts on an hour-long fashion show for you…and for all the other females in at the store. He knows he looks amazing but just wants to hear it from you…constantly. He managed to find reflective surfaces no matter where he goes. Stay far away from a man who spends more time looking in the mirror than you and all your female friends combined do! Stay Away!
2. The Shut-In
When you met this guy, he told you that he didn’t go out a lot ~ but you had no idea that he never left his house…let alone his neighborhood! The Shut-In hates to go out to clubs, bars, any kind of party…and god forbid he should take you out to the movies! He hates crowds and complains that drinks are too expensive and parking is too hard to find. He sucked you in with the line that he goes out “once in awhile,” but now you find yourself home with him every weekend renting movies on Pay-Per-View because ~ of course ~ he hates the video store too. The easiest way to avoid this guy is to make sure you clarify exactly what his ideal social…pace…is like right off the bat. If you’re one of those people who enjoys a night out with your man more than once a year, I’d advise against dating a hermit!!
1. The Moocher
And here he is, The King of All Jerks…my #1 favorite: The Moocher. Like The Shut-in gradually unveiling his true anti-social nature, The Moocher also reveals his true self quite slyly. He flies under the radar, undetected for those first few months. He buys you a dozen roses or a cute card once in awhile and even takes you out for the occasional dinner ~ but trust me, all this special treatment will end in the blink of an eye! The Moocher is always broke, never brings his wallet and (my personal favorite) will ask you out for drinks and then tell you he assumed you were going to pay because he assumed you understood how broke he is. Pure class. The Moocher is a sneaky one ~ before you know it, you’re buying him all kinds of stuff and slipping money into his pocket at the bar just to avoid the embarrassment of paying for the drinks…again…and again. He obviously has no shame, but you do!
And those, dear friends, are the Top Five Man-Jerks I have dated. Learn from my mistakes. Don’t let me have jerk-loved in vain!
OK, so now you’ve read Nicole’s female point of view. Next month, you’ll get to read Matthew’s male point of view and see what he’s got to say about the types of women he’s dated!
