thePULSEBy Ashley Jordan
I wrote the song “Fading Away” almost a year ago because I was feeling sad and helpless as I watched a friend battle an eating disorder and depression. I wanted to share how it felt through the eyes of a friend or family member who simply doesn’t know what to do, seeing their loved one fade away.
After I wrote the song, it made me feel very emotional to play it, so I tucked it away for a few months. One night, I played it for a friend, and she asked me to perform it at my next show. So I did … and the reaction I got was overwhelming. So many people came up to me and shared their own personal stories and told me how much the song had resonated with them. So, I decided I needed to record this song and do my first music video to capture the story more fully.
I saw in my mind how I wanted the video to look. But I knew I needed someone’s expertise on how to convey this on film. So, my first journey was to find a director who could share my vision. I found the amazing Anthony Caddigan, who has a video company called Dark White Media in Westford. I shared my song and vision with Anthony, and we immediately connected and started brainstorming ideas. Anthony asked me to write down everything I “saw” in my head, and then, he added his creative ideas.
For instance, when I played my guitar for the video, I envisioned candles flickering all around me. As for the story, I could see an old-fashioned house with a family sitting awkwardly around a dining room table (and the elephant in the room is the fact that no one can talk about the problems going on around them). I could see the father and mother arguing, the girl alone in her room in despair, the parents banging on the door. Anthony shared his expertise about camera angles and lighting and other details that would best convey the feeling and timing within the song. Location, time of day, objects in the room, wardrobe … everything needed to be considered.
After a lot of talking and collaborating, it was up to Anthony to produce a script pulling all our ideas together. Making a script is a very detailed process that literally looks at every single moment of the song and clarifies what is going to happen for the video in terms of cameras, lighting, actors, timing, etc. From there, we had to find a location to film the house scenes, so everyone started scouting out homes that matched our vision (and a homeowner who was willing to have a music video filmed at their house). A wonderful artist out in Haverhill generously agreed to let us to use her home, which had the look and feel we wanted for the video. We were excited and set to go!
The first day of filming was in the studio for the performance part of the song, when I’m playing my guitar and singing. It was freezing cold that day…and we were doing the shoot in a barn-type setting with no heat. So we had some room heaters plugged in, along with camera and lighting equipment all around. I sat on the floor and played my song over and over again until my fingers were numb. Camera shots were taken from all different angles so there would be plenty of shots to choose from. During this first day of filming, I saw how valuable Anthony’s team was. They helped with everything from keeping hundreds of candles lit to operating and moving camera equipment.
The following week, we completed the location shots in Haverhill. We literally took over the house for an entire day ~ there was a full makeup/hair staff, four actors besides myself, the film/technical crew and other support people. I had never realized how involved it is to complete a music video.
Typically, the video company will audition and hire actors to play different roles. But in my case, I was totally set on who I wanted to perform in my music video. The girl who is “fading away” is played by my best friend MacKenzie Klem (from my hometown of Harvard), who is an amazing actor and currently studying theater at Keene State. I have always said that when I did my first music video, I would have Kenzie be the key actor because I have always admired her work. Also, when I envisioned the family sitting around
the table, I knew who those actors should be, as well. We have some lifelong family friends who have a lot of acting and theater experience, and I knew they’d be perfect for the roles of family members. Since they really are a family, it would feel and look like a real family. So Maura, Jon and Molli Wallace, of Westminster, took on the tough role of being the family in crisis.
I personally had some acting scenes during the shoot ~ when I visit my friend who is “fading away.” I’ve had some acting experience, but still, I was nervous about whether or not I would be comfortable once the cameras were rolling. I discovered that I just needed to be myself and stay in the moment ~ I actually really enjoyed it!
It was such a long and emotional day of filming in Haverhill. Because the topic was so heavy, we had a lot of tears, arguing and stress that had to be portrayed for the song. To get into their roles, everyone had to take things seriously. And not only that, some scenes had to be done over and over again to accomplish what we wanted, which can be emotionally exhausting. Let’s just say after filming, it was a big relief to have some laughs and celebrate.
Anthony had such a great eye for capturing the emotion behind the song … and also for being able to tell the story in such a limited amount of time. I was in awe of how smoothly everything went and how comfortable we all felt working together. If it’s a good working relationship, I think you end up feeling very connected to the people who helped you take the film journey. I couldn’t believe that after two days of shooting, we had accomplished all the filming needed.
Anthony took all the film back to his studio and completed a rough cut of the video. Typically, it can take weeks, even months, to edit through all the footage and piece together a music video. However, the “Fading Away” music video came together very quickly, and when my family and I watched it for the first time, we were in tears. It is completely amazing as an artist to have a song that means so much to you come to life exactly the way you saw it in your mind’s eye.
Now, I am getting ready to embark on recording some new songs, and then, I will be looking at doing another video in the near future. Good things are coming…and I can’t wait!
