The Thin Little Line Between Not(ty) and Nice
By Sasha Fastovskiy

It’s that festive time of year, where you’re woe-ing the wool, bemoaning the holiday weight, and bitching about the bills. In the middle of this Chrismukkah et al. crisis, we’re still expected to show up and party hearty decked out like, well, the halls. Holiday fashion, however, has taken a much more subtle, elegant turn from previous fashions directly imported from Santa’s village. No longer is there the need to wear grandma’s holiday sweaters (sorry Gran’, but you lost your fashion-vote when you were run over by a reindeer), or stripe yourself a la candy cane couture. For those who don’t quite see the difference between ho-ho-horrible and holiday heavenly, we’ve provided a short and simple side-by-side comparison of your gay apparel to really determine what’s nice and what’s not.

Tights

Nice: Glitter, lace embroidered, and colored all provide a dressed-up touch to any outfit.

Not: Nude’s too boring, white’s been done, wool’s too cliché. If you’re looking at any of these, might as well just show off your holiday stems.

Boots

Nice: High heel, peep toe, hidden platform, high wedge, multicolored, ankle-high or at the knee.

Not: Snow shoes do not double as dress shoes, and be wary of quality when looking at anything over-the-knee. There’s another fine line between fashion maven and Blitzen’s Vixen.

Attire

Nice: Shorter dresses, tuxedo pants, jackets, blazers, blouses. Mix and match casual with dressy, feminine with more masculine.

Not: Wool. Holiday sweaters. Long, flowy dresses. If you feel the need to plaster your holiday spirit across your sweater, best do it with eggnog.

Touchable Textiles

Nice: Velvet jackets, pants (not worn together), leather skirts, pants, soft cashmere.

Not: Too much silk, and wool. More wool.

Ho! Ho! Ho’?:

Nice: Touches of lace, peek-a-boo straps, subtle skin showing, open necklines, and open shoulders.

Not: That white feather-fuzz from St. Nick’s suit; too much patent.

Colors

Nice: Metallics, glittery silver, purple, teal, red.

Not: Too much black; obscene amounts of red and green.

Much like the entire season of holiday cheer, it’s all about moderation. Just as you’d never go overboard on the fruitcake, you shouldn’t dress like one. Holiday garb is about (projecting) warmth, elegance, and small amounts of good cheer. The outfit should be calm, and bright, you can even say that it ought to glow. It should inspire others to be merry, and have a good night. And we’re not talking about Blitzen here.