thePULSE
Couples exchanging heartfelt vows. A gorgeous wedding cake. Tears of joy. A breathtaking dress. Elegant food. Beautiful photographs that will last a lifetime. Weddings ~ and the engagements that lead up to them and the honeymoons that follow ~ are romantic occasions that celebrate love and commitment. The fairy tale ~ boy meets girl, falls in love, asks girl (with her parents’ blessing, of course!) to marry him and presents her with the heirloom ring of her dreams…she says yes, and their future happiness is secured ~ is indeed alive and well for some people. And we all know that being included in someone’s wedding day ~ either as a member of the bridal party or simply as a guest ~ is an honor. But aren’t you just the tiniest bit curious about ~ to borrow a little from The Real World ~ what happens “…when people stop being polite…and start getting real?” Curious about whether guys and girls actually agree about anything wedding-related? Wondering about how many people really have hooked up at weddings? We wanted to get to the good stuff, the real dirt, from the silly ~ who hasn’t giggled at the fact that the biggest nerd from college managed to land a hottie…or a living, non-inflatable female at all! ~ to the more serious ~ like prenups and what happens if you don’t get along with each other’s families. So we took to the streets and here ~ along with some trends, tips, and traditions ~ are your answers to “Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about weddings but were afraid to ask.”
Interviews by: Kimberly Dunbar, Rebecca Carter, Jennie Fitzgerald, Sasha Fastovskiy, Melissa Pingeton, Cristal Perriello, Sarah Belcher, Rachel Shuster, Linnea Sheldon, Alison Zawadski
How long do you consider “too long” to be engaged?
Like many things… the longer the better. MM, 19, female, Worc.
I think anything over 2 1/2 years…A short engagement allows for time to plan the wedding, but then get on with your life with your new wife; that’s the reason for an engagement, anyway? M.A. 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
There is no “too long” to be engaged, unless one person has expectations the other is avoiding. EM, F, 26, Worc., single
Pretty much anything over 4 years… if it ain’t happenin’ soon… it ain’t happenin’. AG, F, 20, Worc.
Over 2 years, if it needs to be more, why propose? LM, male, 29, Worc., married
Over two years is too long. If I put the question out there and she has said yes, then together you line up a date and plan. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
1 year is appropriate ~ once it goes past that threshold; it’s time to either call it quits or go to City Hall and to close the deal! N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Over 5 years. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Two to 3 years is too long…really, what is the point of getting engaged if you’re going to wait so long, oftentimes longer than you’ve even been dating. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
Has anything changed since you’ve gotten engaged?
Yes, I thought I would be making my girlfriend the happiest woman in the world. It turns out that I’ve actually made her mother the happiest woman in the world. M.S., male, 28, engaged, Brookfield
Prenup?
Prenups are for the rich and the paranoid. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
I personally would not sign a prenup because I’ve known my partner extremely well since we were very young, but if I were to meet someone now I definitely would. Even if you’ve known someone for a few years, you haven’t experienced their history and may have no idea what they really have planned for the future. I would like to trust them but you hear about people very unexpectedly being taken advantage of or cheated on all the time. It’s bad enough to lose your spouse, never mind everything else you’ve worked for. D.Z., F, 23, Worc., in a relationship
Depends on the age of both people ~ but most likely not unless I were a pro-athlete…See: Michael Jordan. JL, Worc., male, 25, single
Yes, because I need to protect my gorgeous assets. The pre-arrangement gives me a sense of security for all the millions I have stashed….No, I wouldn’t because I marry for love and there isn’t a huge estate to disperse in the event of any mishaps in my life, including divorce. The woman I marry should have the sense to keep our children’s and family’s best interests at heart with the finances we had before and during marriage. J.S., male, 26, N. Brookfield, in a long-term relationship
I wouldn’t ask for one, but I understand why others may, considering 50% of marriages fail. AW, F, 21, in a relationship, Assumption College
No. If you’re marrying someone you’re offering your life, which means everything. Trust with money, trust with everything. LH, F, 24, Worc., engaged
I’d sign, if need be, just as I would ask my future husband to sign one. If I knew early on that signing a prenup would be necessary, then I don’t believe it would affect the relationship. However, if it came about at the last minute, I would think that there were trust issues, and that would bother me deeply. J.C, 26, F, Worc., single
I believe in marriage as a permanent bond, and I don’t believe in divorce except in extreme circumstances. I think being asked to sign a prenup would make me feel like my fiance didn’t have as much faith in our relationship as I would have if I had agreed to marry him. I also want to spend time at home with my children when they’re young, which would probably mean relying on my husband’s income… so signing a prenup would make me uncomfortable in that if we were to divorce, I could be left with little money and gaps in my resume that might make it difficult to find work. I don’t think I would sign a prenup. E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
I am pro-prenup. There are a lot of gold diggers out there. LM, male, 29, Worc., married
What’s the best/worst wedding trend you’ve seen?
Worst ~ puffy sleeved bridesmaid dresses. Best ~ donating to charity, many couples today seem to have everything and need nothing. The fact that they would rather their wedding gifts go to a good cause is a much more thoughtful alternative. D.Z., F, 23, Worc., in a long-term relationship
I really like the idea of making a donation to charity in lieu of favors. We made a donation to the American Cancer Society at our wedding. It was meaningful for us, because my father died of cancer and it provided a way for us to include him in the day, but it was also meaningful for our guests, many of whom had also been personally impacted by the disease. K.M. F, 27, married, Worc.
The worst is the bride and groom do a choreographed dance. It’s fake and just looks awkward. I’d rather watch two people be in the moment, regardless if they can dance or not! BL, F, N. Brookfield (Long-term boyfriend)
Would you say yes even if your fiancé couldn’t afford a ring?
Absolutely! Love is not about bling! N.M. 26, F, Worc.
As long as he likes Led Zeppelin, an onion ring would do. RC, 26, F, single, Worc.
Maybe. I don’t like the idea of marrying some one who isn’t stable in all aspects ~ emotionally and financially. A.W. F, 21, in a relationship, Assumption College
I think if someone is truly ready for marriage they are stable enough to handle many of the financial aspects of the process and usually the ring is a big part of that. S.R. 30, F, divorced, Worc.
If he can’t afford the ring how can we afford a nice wedding or a house or anything? May not be very promising… J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Yes. You say yes because you want to marry them not for the ring. It’s important, it’s symbolic, but you can always get one later. JF, F, 25, Paxton/Worc., married
No. Call it shallow… but I want a stable future, and at 28 years old, I would be hesitant to accept a proposal from someone who couldn’t afford a ring. It just doesn’t bode well for the future. BT, 28, F, Framingham
I’d still say yes. I’d eventually expect one, but love isn’t measured in carats. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
No, I wouldn’t say yes! I think I deserve more than that, and if I’m with someone who’s not as successful as me, that wouldn’t be enough. LF, F, 24, single
Who picks out the engagement ring?
I would like a bit of his own taste and mine combined. I want both of us to pick it out but he has the final say. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
[The guy or] it takes the element of surprise away from the situation. Again, marriage is about committing yourself to someone completely, and you should trust their decision on the ring because ideally, they will choose with love. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
I would want it to be a surprise. But I would definitely drop hints along the way. “When I’m engaged I really want a vintage cut ring in white gold, I HATE gold gold.” Give them hints. I mean they ARE men. SW, 25, F, Paxton, single
I like surprises. As long as he follows the guidelines of what I like. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
I got lucky. It just means more [if you don’t]. It doesn’t feel special [to pick it out]. JF, F, 25, Paxton/Worc., married
The element of surprise is super romantic and all, but I think the ring should be chosen together. ML, male, 26, Worc., single
I didn’t pick out mine and I’m glad it was a surprise. However, if my husband had selected something I didn’t like, I definitely would have exchanged it. After all, it’s something you’ll wear forever – you should love it. K.M. F, 27, married, Worc.
He’d better know me well enough at that point to know the type of ring I would want. If he doesn’t, then why is he marrying me? Really. MM, 19, F, Worc.
I’d like to be surprised. (Although I know this means I might get stuck with a ring I don’t love the look of!) E.D., 24, F, Worc.
Would you ever send your fiancé back to the jewelry store and hold off on saying yes if you thought the ring was ugly?
No! E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
I wouldn’t hold off on saying yes but I would possibly send him back to the store (or go with him) if it were that bad. I’m gonna have to live with it the rest of my life, right? G.C. 34, Worc., F, single
I would send myself back to the jewelry store ~ with his credit card. MM, 19, F, Worc.
No, that’s shallow. If someone does that to their fiancé, that should raise some red flags. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Nope. If it came from his heart and he could afford it in the first place I would be honest but would go back together to maybe pick a different one since it will be on my finger for a very long time. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Does liking/disliking your future in-laws play a role in proposing/saying yes or no to the proposal?
YES. Have you not seen Meet the Parents? MM, 19, F, Worc.
Not really, unless they are certifiably insane. In that case, just move far away from them. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
Maybe some role, but if you love her and she’s the one you’re spending your life with…just move away from them after marriage. JL, Worc. male 25, single
Who likes their in-laws? You are marrying the man, not his family. You can deal with a few annoying holidays once in awhile for the sake of love. AK, 20, single, F, Assumption College
Yes. I have had to deal with the crazy mothers and overprotective fathers of girlfriends in the past and I would not want to willingly marry into a relationship with this type of person. Also, I’m starting to believe in the whole “If you want to know what a girl will be like in 30 years look at her mother” rule. B.H., 21, male, Clark University
Not in my case but I could see why. Technically, you are married into the family. LM, F, 24, Worc., married
No, but only if you’re sure the apple falls far enough away from the tree. ML, 26, M, Worc., single
It has to. You have to get along with everyone else. It’s not healthy for the relationship if you don’t. MJ, male, 27, Worc., engaged
Not so much ~ although people say that you marry the family rather than the person, what really matters is who you spend your days with. Unless of course you live close to them, at which point the situation changes completely. Also, the idea of these people influencing your children makes you think twice ~ luckily my in-laws are great people and raised a good man, so it’s not a concern. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
I would find it easier to say “Yes” if I liked his family. ED, 24, F, Worc.
It shouldn’t really matter. But, if they are TOO involved in your marriage, then you better like them otherwise it could be a long difficult life! B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
OK to have one last fling at your bachelor/ette party?
Absolutely not! You want to be saying, “Til death do us part” when you have images of the night before with the fling running through your thoughts? MM, 19, F, Worc.
Considering most people have already committed to exclusivity prior to the wedding, it’s not a good idea to screw up closer to the date. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
No. Dead against it. If you can’t be true, there’s no reason to be with the person. MJ, male, 27, Worc., engaged
Hell yea! I would have one last one fling if my man did, why not splurge one last time before you give yourself to that person for the rest of you life? JF, F, 20, Worc.
Bachelor parties are as outdated as marriage. It’s not your last night of being single. That was the night before you started dating your fiance. If it’s ok to cheat tonight, why not last week? I feel like these parties date back to arranged marriage. ML, 26, M, Worc., single
Nope. I mean really, are you marrying the one you love? I definitely don’t have an issue with strippers for either, though, because they are “look no touch.” B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
NO. Although the party is technically one last chance for sexual freedom, if you’re getting married it is safe to say that you have been in a long term relationship with that girl. Cheating at your bachelor party is cheating nonetheless. B.H., 21, male, Clark University
Cheating is cheating whether it’s at a bachelor/ette party or the week after you started dating. However, nasty strippers are quite acceptable to look at, but not touch. RC, 26, F, single, Worcester
Do you know anyone who has “waited until marriage?”
Yes…but look what happened to Jessica Simpson. She is a hot mess. MM, 19, F, Worc.
Not willingly! B.H., 21, male, Clark University
Yes. I think it is a really personal thing. In my opinion it is foolish, because I know that I would always wonder if I missed out on something. However, I respect people who wait and are strong enough to make that decision and see it through. MC, 21, single, F, Assumption College
Not since my grandmother’s generation. S.R. 30, F, divorced, Worc.
Believe it or not. A.B. 29, F, Leicester, Single
Considering all of my friends were married “due to child”…no. RC, 26, F, single, Worc.
Yes, I do…and yes, they’re crazy. AK, 20, single, F, Assumption College
I know a few people who are currently waiting until marriage, and I think that they actually will. The only reason I have ever heard for that is because of religious beliefs, though. M.A. 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
I have a 24 year old friend who is waiting until marriage. She’s pretty determined so I think she might make it! K.D., 24, F, Worcester, single
Yes. And I think they had the strongest relationship of anyone I’ve ever met. E.D., 24, F, Worc.
Yes ~ the Chasidic Jewish community does not “do it” until they get married. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
I know people who have said they would wait but didn’t. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
…and then it was a unanimous “NO!” from the rest of our interviewees!
If you didn’t “wait,” what would you do to make the wedding night special?
I might let him explore new… areas… now that I have a ring on my finger. AK, 20, single, F, Assumption College
If you had to choose between a down payment on a house or an extravagant wedding, which would you choose?
I’d like to be the girl that takes the house, but in reality I’d take the wedding, every little girl dreams of her wedding day. MC, 21, single, F, Assumption College
Downpayment. Besides the wedding is what my mother is for! SW, 25, F, Paxton, single
Down payment ~ I’m practical and I want to build equity. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Downpayment. A wedding is a party, a house is life. LM, male, 29, Worc., married
Extravagant wedding. A.W. F, 21, in a relationship, Assumption College
Different houses eventually come and go. You only have one wedding, so I’d probably choose that. RW, 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
Downpayment on a house. As long as it had a driveway. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
Tough choice on the surface. Although an extravagant wedding will yield you a lifetime of memories, a house will yield you even more and is a sound investment. I say go for the downpayment. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
Hmm…I guess I’d have to hash it out with my man. It takes two to tango, after all. MM, 19, F, Worc.
The wedding comes and goes, but the house is what you come home to. E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
House. I’d rather have something small and elegant and have a threshold to be carried over than a blow out wedding that I’ll probably get too drunk at to remember anyway. BT , 28, F, Framingham
Half and half? I would like them both to balance out…the best of both worlds. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Would you marry someone if you loved him/her but the physical part of the relationship were lacking?
No way, Jose. Everything better work like clockwork. MM, 19, F, Worc.
Yes, as long as there was still sex. It wouldn’t need to be mind-blowing or anything, but if I loved her, yes. J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
No. Physical attraction is very important. It’s just needed. LM, F, 24, Worc., married
That’s a tough question. Chemistry is very important for me, so probably not. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
If the physical part of the relationship isn’t good that says something about the relationship as a whole. It would make me think we might be better as friends and that there might be someone better out there for me. MC, 21, single, F, Assumption
Probably not, that compatibility sexually is just as important as love. A.B. 29, f, Leicester, Single
There has to be a physical and mental attraction… it can’t be a stable relationship without both. JL, Worc., male, 25, single
Yes ~ that aspect of the relationship can always be improved if both people are willing to work at it. S.G., 24, F, Rutland, single
It’s the love that counts. So, yes. RW, 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
I think it’s impossible to have one without the other. Without physical intimacy that’s satisfying, how can a real relationship last? If the attraction’s there, the mechanics can be worked on ~ I think that’s the crux of the whole thing. BT, 28, F, Framingham
Love is both mental and physical. There has to be some physical attraction but brains and personality come before a hot bod. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
It depends on what degree of “not good.” That may sound shallow… but I think it would only lead to tension that might end up ruining the relationship in the long run anyway. RC, 26, F, single, Worc.
They say you should always marry for love, but it’s difficult to put aside the physical. I married for love and the physical was OK, and will always be OK. And now I have three beautiful children and that I wouldn’t change for a better physical relationship. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
Sex is an important part of a relationship, but I’m undecided about whether it should be the deciding factor. E.D., 24, F, Worcester, in a relationship
No, because if the physical isn’t there, let’s face it ~ you’re just good friends. Relationships should be based on chemistry. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Do men care as much about the wedding as women do?
Yes – they just care about different things, like the bachelor party and the open bar. M.S., Male, 28, engaged, Brookfield
Not as much as I’d like!! LM, F, 24, Worc., married
Absolutely not. J.R., 24, Male, Webster, in a relationship
Women have been taught to care about the wedding more. EM, F, 26, Worc., single
NO!! As long as there’s beer they are OK. SW, 25, F, Paxton, single
Do men care about anything as much as women do? MM, 19, F, Worc.
No. Little boys don’t grow up dreaming about it. LM, male, 29, Worc., married
Yeah. I had fun picking out stuff, extravagant stuff, the registry, etc. JF, male, 26, Paxton/Worc., married
Not really. I mean, I wanted to be “involved” to a small degree. Like, where it was going to be, what we were eating and who was coming. After that? I didn’t really care about the flowers and the small details. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
Nope. The only thing that interests them about the process is the bachelor party. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
I think most men want their fiancée to be happy with the wedding. They care about it in that they want it to be a perfect day for her. E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
In my experience, yes. Actually, I think most guys enjoy weddings, even though they may not like to admit. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Depends on the man. I expect mine to care just as much (OK, maybe a little less) as I do. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
How do you feel when the families get too involved with the wedding plans?
It’s our day. We make the final decision. LH, F, 24, Worc., engaged
Sure, if they want to help pay for it all, too! RC, male, 31, single, GardnerFamily should help but not take over. JF, F, 25, Paxton/Worc., married
I’d say, “P*ss off!” LM, F, 24, Worc., married
Did you ever hook up with someone at a wedding?
I hooked up with a girl, and the next week I went for an interview at a new company, and guess who the interviewer was!? Needless to day ~ I got the job. M.S., Male, 28, engaged, Brookfield
Not yet…but my best friend is getting married on 6/14 and I am DEFINITELY hooking up with one of his groomsmen. It’s already been planned. SW, 25 yrs old, F, Paxton, single
Ugh. How cliché. It’s been done way too many times. MM, 19, F, Worc.
Yup. He turned out to be married/ separated, too. He lied and told me he didn’t have a girlfriend or wife… yeah, I asked him twice. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
I wish. ML, male, 26, Worc., single
I’ve hooked up with another guest when we were at a friend’s wedding. Good times. K.H. 28, F, single, Oxford
Yes! Young, single people at a wedding with an open bar? C’mon! E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
OH YEAH [with a bridesmaid]! J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
Do you try to catch the bouquet?
Such a ridiculous custom. The world need not be made aware of my status. MM, 19, F, Worc.
Yes I try. And YES I have succeeded. Those others didn’t stand a chance. SW, 25, F, Paxton, single
If I were single, I’d catch the flowers! N.M. 26, F, Worc.
I’m a guy, and so the garter counts for me… one hit me in the face once…needless to say, that’s an interesting story. JL, Worc., Male, 25, single
Bring on the hair-pulling, body smashing mosh pit of crazed women in evening gowns trying to catch flying flowers! BT, 28, F, Framingham
I’d catch the bouquet. You should never be ashamed of singledom! AK, 20, single, F, Assumption College
I avoid the bouquet like the plague. EM, F, 26, Worcester, single
I’d be jumping in there. Jump in and take over! But I’d also want to see who the guy was getting the garter! JF, F, 25, Paxton/Worcester, married
No… but not because I’m afraid of people knowing I’m single, more because people look like complete f**king idiots doing it. RC, 26, F, single, Worc.
I’d catch the bouquet ~ better to let those groomsmen know you’re single! E.D., 24, F, Worc., in a relationship
What happens if your friend is marrying someone you really hate?
Have you ever seen Saving Silverman? I’d find some way to sabotage it! J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
You always have to support a friend no matter how much of a douche bag she is marrying. MM, 19, F, Worc.
I’d attend, but a major part of being a good friend is telling somebody if their potential mate is wrong for him/her. B.H., 21, male, Clark University
I’d have voiced my opinion long before the wedding. A wedding is a time for support, not dissent. EM, F, 26, Worc., single
I wouldn’t like it, and would make sure she/ he knew that, but I still would go. Friends support friends no matter what, good or bad. K.D., 24, F, Worc. single
I’ve done it. I was the best man. I drank a lot. The best man’s speech was slurred. LM, male, 29, Worc., married
Of course. I would think you could ruin the friendship by not attending. B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
Yup. I’d sit there and be negative with my gin and tonic and Marlboro lights. J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
That’s hard! If I hate the person then there must be a reason behind it but if my best friend loves that person then there is nothing I can do but support her. ST, F, 20, Worc.
I actually plan on attending one of my best friend’s weddings, and whole heartedly believe it is a mistake. But who am I to say that two people are not right for each other…just because I don’t get along with the soon-to-be groom does not mean my friend doesn’t. M.A. 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
I will probably visit her house a bit less. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
You deal with it. If they really love him and he treats her right, what’s the big deal? J.T., 20, F, Worc.
I would still attend the wedding…I mean you can’t change how people feel, but I would voice my opinion anyway. Now, if I knew he was cheating or something like that, then that would be a different story. LF, F, 24, single
I would say something. I’d be honest. JF, male, 26, Paxton/Worc., married
I would probably go to her wedding but ruin it…I’d be obnoxious and make a total fool of myself. Anything possible to ruin their wedding, really! KJ, F, 21, Worc.
Or worse, marrying someone you really LIKE?
I’d secretly love it. J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
Oooh…get drunk and stay away from both the bride and groom! K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
I would hope my feelings wouldn’t get that far to like the person she’s with, I wouldn’t allow myself to. ST, F, 20, Worc.
Then I ask them to set me up with his younger brother! S.R. 30, F, divorced, Worc.
I can’t imagine myself in this scenario. None of my friends would ever be interested in dating anyone I would like, never mind marry them! G.C. 34, Worcester, f, single
You find a new best friend. J.R., 24, Male, Webster, in a relationship
Never happened…but maybe I would visit him more often! B.C., 37, male, Grafton, married
I’d plaster on a happy face and cry into my leftover wedding cake the next day. MM, 19, F, Worc.
You deal with it and move on. J.T., 20, F, Worcester
How many weddings have you been to?
I have no idea, in my memory anything where I have to dress up and sit in a temple or church gets jumbled together. If I say a number it will probably include bar mitzvahs and funerals. ML, male, 26, Worc., single
Any good bachelor/bachelorette party stories?
The very best bachelor party was for one of my college buddies. I swear I’ve never seen so many transvestite strippers in my life and probably never will again. Most people would find it weird, but it was a blast. Put it this way, I still have the scars from that bash…any other details would probably get me…and the groom…in trouble! J.S., male, 26, N. Brookfield, in a long-term relationship
School bus. Stripper poles inside. You get the idea… JL, Worcester, male, 25, single
Let’s just say it involved a huge, blow up penis and a dirty hypnotist comedy show…I say no more! B.L., F, N. Brookfield, in a long-term relationship
If you’ve ever been a bridesmaid ~ did you speak up when you thought the dress was hideous? Would you?
I’d speak my mind, but I’d still wear it. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Luckily the weddings I’ve been in, the dresses were actually pretty. But I would not hesitate to speak up if I thought the dress was hideous…no way I’m shelling out $200 on a tacky dress. G.C. 34, Worc., F, single
That’s a no-no. The last wedding I was in, the maid of honor bitched about her alterations and the style of the dress and the bride burst into tears. Suck it up or say, “No” to being in the wedding party from the beginning. K.D., 24, F, Worc., single
I had to wear a silk chiffon cantaloupe-colored dress, but didn’t say anything and decided to suck it up and wear the ugly thing. EL, F, 21, Worc.
I have never been a bridesmaid but I would certainly like to have some say on my dress! J.T., 20, F, Worc.
For the ladies ~ would you propose to your man?
No…that is so desperate. He gets on his knees, not me! MM, 19, F, Worc.
No, I’m more traditional. A.B. 29, F, Leicester, Single
Hell yeah. I don’t believe in that “traditional roles” bs. RC, 26, F, single, Worcester
Noooo, never (laughs). I need a man, and if he’s a “man” he can do it. ST, F, 20, Worcester
Absolutely. E.D., 24, F, Worcester, in a relationship
No, that’s way too butch for me. If a man is a man he will step up. SW, 25, F, Paxton, single
No, I think it’s the guy’s job to do it. We have to plan the wedding and clean up after him for the rest of our lives, so he can do this one thing. K.D., 24, F, Worcester, single
I don’t rule the possibility out ~ it is the 21st century. S.G., 24, F, Rutland, single
No. It’s not the norm. Well, it is now, but not for me. I’d turn 50 shades of red. LH, F, 24, Worcester, engaged
I think I’m a little more traditional. J.T., 20, F, Worcester
Not really- I like tradition. N.M. 26, F, Worcester
For the men ~ is it sexy if the woman proposes?
I don’t know about sexy, but it definitely takes a lot of the pressure off. B.H., 21, male, Clark University
NO! J.G., 20, male, Worcester, in a relationship
I’d think she was the most desperate girl in the world. Seriously, if it were to happen, I think I would say no just to upset her, and then tell her I was kidding. I know – I’m awful. J.S., male, 26, N. Brookfield, long-term relationship
No…pathetic on the guy’s part. Does this mean she needs permission from my mom?? JL, Worc., Male, 25, single
I would feel embarrassed. I prefer traditional. JF, male, 26, Paxton/Worcester, married
Depends what she is wearing…haha! J.R., 24, Male, Webster, in a relationship
Not sexy, I prefer traditional…you know, ask her father before. MJ, male, 27, Worcester, engaged
How did you propose and why?
I proposed on the stairs of our new home, for one reason and one reason only ~ the mortgage. No ~ honestly, there is no specific time, you just know, you look at the person and that is the time to do it. M.S., Male, 28, engaged, Brookfield
Tackiest wedding song?
I would have to go with listening to a large group of elderly women sing “Sexy Back” by JT. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the pleasure of hearing them “Crank Dat Soulja Boy.” B.H., 21, male, Clark University
“Hot in herrrre” by Nelly…as sung by the bride. EM, F, 26, Worc., single
“I Honestly Love You” by Olivia Newton-John, definitely. B.T., 28, F, Framingham
“Hit Me Baby One More Time” sung in a Russian accent by a guy name Angel. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Shania Twain’s “Love the Way You Love Me.” J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
I think the alcohol makes all wedding songs sound rockin’! S.R. 30, F, divorced, Worc.
Most romantic honeymoon destination?
Somewhere that has a special meaning to you and your man. MM, 19, F, Worc.
That place you’ve always wanted to go. EM, F, 26, Worc., single
Italy. Drink red wine…in Rome. That’s ideal for me. LM, male, 29, Worc. married
France or Italy. France is the city of romance and Italy is just so ancient and to see that stuff would be so cool. LH, F, 24, Worc., engaged
Either Santorini Islands in Greece or the Amalfi Coast. It’s a toss up. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
I want to go to Disney World for my honeymoon but I would think a nice island or distant country would be very romantic. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Dubai would be awesome! S.G., 24, F, Rutland, single
ANYWHERE!!! It could be the mountains, beaches, snow, sun, rain; I don’t care, as long as I don’t have to pay a cent for it! Ummmmmm…….how about the Greek Isles?!?! I think the Greek Isles are one of the most magical destinations in the world. Insert kinky 70s music here! J.S., male, 26, N. Brookfield, in a long-term relationship
Craziest thing you’ve ever done at a wedding?
The craziest thing I’ve ever done at a wedding was hit on the bride…..I was a little tipsy…..and the bride was my second cousin… J.S., male, 26, N. Brookfield, in a long-term relationship
Premarital cohabitation: yea or nay?
Everyone’s doing it. But it’s like getting the milk before you get the cow. MM, 19, F, Worc.
Nay, make it a surprise. J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
Yes, I think it’s important. I think you need to know you are compatible before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone. A.B. 29, F, Leicester, Single
Yea. I like it. You get to know each other more. It makes the relationship stronger. You know how to deal with each other. There’s a lot after marriage, this is just one thing out of the way. MJ, male, 27, Worc., engaged
Yea ~ you have to know what you have to work with for the rest of your life. It’s not a good idea to be surprised. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
Yea. I think it’s good to get to know each other inside and out and you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
It’s a must. JF, male, 26, Paxton/Worc., married
It’s not smart to live with someone when you are just dating or even seriously talking about the future. When you live with someone you are mixing finances, dependency etc. and if the relationship is not solid, that can cause real problems. I’d wait until after the engagement, when you are going to be combining all of this anyways, that makes more sense. K.H. 28, F, single, Oxford
I think it is a must. J.R., 24, Male, Webster, in a relationship
It’s important because you should really get to know who you are about to marry. I understand why the older generation looks down upon it but times have changed. It’s nice to go into a marriage with no surprises. LM, F, 24, Worc., married
AND FINALLY…What do you notice most at a wedding: the flowers, the bride, the food, or the music?
The things I would notice anyways regardless of the setting: flowers, food, music. MM, 19, F, Worc.
I’m a man who likes his food. RW, 20, male, in a relationship, Assumption College
The open bar! J.G., 20, male, Worc., in a relationship
The food and the music ~ weddings are judged by how good of a time everyone is having. N.M. 26, F, Worc.
THE MUSIC. Everyone remembers a wedding if they had fun. If you have fun, it means you were partying on the dance floor with great music. That’s a good wedding. JL, Worc., male, 25, single
Combination of all, but mostly the bride, the groom, and the wedding party. J.T., 20, F, Worc.
Food. However, food is the thing I notice most on all occasions. ML, male, 26, Worc., single
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Wedding Trends 2008
Guest list ~ Gone are the days of more than 250 guests ~ now, 75-100 is considered a “classy” invitation list
Margarita Machines ~ Frozen margaritas easily dispensed from a machine are a fresh find this year. These machines can fit easily into the punch bowl line and are a fun way to offer a new drink for all guests.
Yellow for Daytime Weddings ~ For everything from the dress to the table settings to the flowers
Kiddie Wrangler ~ Hire a babysitter, reserve a room off of the reception area, make sure there are special kid-friendly meals available, and let the kiddies color, play, be entertained by a balloon sculptor, or watch DVDs ~ that way, they and their parents can attend your wedding but everyone can relax.
Jewel Tones for her Dress ~ And for the bridesmaids’ dresses ~ and remember, the bridesmaids don’t have to all look the same anymore!
Green Weddings ~ From organic flowers to recycled paper for the invitations…even organic food, ecofriendly linens, and biodegradable plates and utensils
Ethnic and Organic ~ Ethnic-themed dishes abound, and organic food is in…way in! No matter what you choose, always have vegetarian options for your guests
Entertainment ~ Big bands are back, and so are impersonators and singing/dancing wait staff. Cover bands are huge this year, too.
Home-Spun Weddings ~ For the ultimate in personalization, couples are choosing to wed in their own or their parents’ backyard.
Herbal Bouquets ~ Weaving herbs in and amongst the flowers can add wonderful fragrance as you’re walking down the aisle.
Chives = good fortune
Sage = long life & domestic bliss
Mint = Wisdom
Thyme = Courage
Personalized and more-creative-than-ever Wedding Invitations
Make-their-own Favors ~ Set aside a table with a “Goody bar” ~ put out boxes for your guests to fill with their favorites!
Metallic ~ For the dress, linens, hair accessories, shoes, even make-up
Bye-bye Bouquet ~ No more tossing the bouquet or the garter! Recently, broadcasting the “singleness” of your friends has become not so cool…plus, injuries have been reported
Breakfast Included ~ Some couples are opting to mix things up a little, starting the celebration off a little later than usual, offering a variety of light passed hors d’oeuvres and cakes to go along with all the dancing and toasts, then making a late-night breakfast the true celebratory meal of the wedding!
Painted Cakes ~ Delicious AND works of art that will set your occasion apart from others ~ and another great way to incorporate the metallic trend
Guests make the call ~ Wedding websites are super popular and super comprehensive these days, and with features like blogs, polls, and quizzes, it’s easier than ever to involve guests in the planning process. Ask for their feedback on music, cake, décor, the works!
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Engagement Ring Trends
#1: Neutral-colored Gems
An array of colorful gemstones like beryl, sapphires, and rubies are beautiful on their own or when combined in their settings with diamonds.
#2: Diamonds All Around
Not only do additional diamonds around the centerpiece diamond add tons of sparkle, but they can give the illusion of a larger center stone. No, size isn’t everything, but what bride-to-be (and groom too) wouldn’t love that?
#3: Elaborate Raised Settings
Intricate raised settings like a delicately draped bow or precision-cut mold call attention to the beauty of the center stone.
#4: Twisted Bands
From swirling diamond bands to more reserved metal twists, this trend is a great “twist” on the traditional.
#5: Vintage Glamour
Heirloom styles, though rich in history, are definitely not a tired idea. Think intricate settings with metal and diamond detailing.
#6: Eco-friendly Rings
You’ve heard of a green thumb, now it’s time for a green ring finger. Choose a ring made with conflict-free diamonds and recycled gold.
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What Every Bridesmaid Should Know
By Kimberly Dunbar
When I was in college, I thought being a bridesmaid in every single one of my friends’ weddings would be a blast. Once the high school proms and formals are done with, we females don’t get too many opportunities to really dress up. Unless you’re a bridesmaid. While the day of the wedding may be lots of fun in your fancy princess dress (that cuts off your circulation and prevents you from sitting down comfortably), the preparation leading up to the big day isn’t a piece of [wedding] cake. Before you agree to take part in your friend’s festivities, take a look at a few things no-one tells the bridesmaid before a wedding.
They’re expensive. Being part of your friend’s special day is one of the greatest honors a girl can experience. But there is a hefty price tag that goes with it. Between the dress, alterations, shoes, undergarments, jewelry, hair, makeup, parties, presents, alcohol and hotel rooms, you better start saving the day you say yes to doing it.
Time isn’t the only thing you give to the bride. Even though as a bridesmaid you have to help throw the actual bridal shower and the bachelorette party, you still need to give bridal shower, bachelorette party (apparently this is a recent phenomenon) and wedding gifts, too.
Any complaining should be done miles away from the bride. Do NOT complain about the dress, the cost, or anything, for that matter, in front of her. Even though you may be right, this is not a time to make the bride feel bad or second-guess her decisions. She’s under a lot of stress ~ she’s about to say good-bye to her single self!
Dress shopping isn’t always fun. But be patient. Trying on 30 dresses in three hours isn’t always a blast, but the bride wants her maids in the best possible dress…at least the best dress in her opinion.
Don’t get your dress altered at a chain store! Take it to a respected seamstress and save big bucks ~ and get more personal attention.
One word: Spanks. For the girl with the form-fitting satin gown and the girl who couldn’t lose the last inch on her waist in time, fear not! Spanks are a girl’s best friend. They smooth the skin and flatten certain places so you can look perfect in your $300 dress (although it won’t help with the circulation-cutting-off part).
You need two pairs of shoes. Stash a pair of flip flops under the head table before the wedding to change in to after the first dance. They’re more comfortable and will protect your feet from potential hazards on the dance floor.
You need to watch your alcohol consumption at the wedding. Just because there’s an open bar for the bridal party doesn’t mean you have an open invitation to get sloppy drunk. Whether you end up crying incessantly all night, falling down on the dance floor or saying something you shouldn’t, the bride will resent it. This is her special day, so respect it.
It’s fun. So in the end, it’s all worth it!
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Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!
The stress level of your wedding day is going to be right up there ~ that’s pretty much a given. So with all the major stuff you have to deal with ~ like HELLO, that you’re taking vows to love someone no matter what for the rest of your life, and you’re going to have to share living space with this person forever, too…and deal with his or her family, and, and, and! ~ why not give yourself a break and try not to sweat the small stuff. Chances are things that seem like calamities to you (like your pink nail polish turning out not to be the exact same shade of pink as your lipstick) won’t even be a blip on your guests’ radar. Here’s a list of five things that very well might not go as planned during your special day, but that totally aren’t worth freaking out about…at all.
If the band forgets to play one of the songs you requested when you first submitted your play list to them, no-one will know. Why? Because only you and your fiancé(e) know what was on the list in the first place!
If your floral centerpieces each have 11 roses instead of 12, it doesn’t matter! Who’s counting (but take it up with your florist later if you paid for 12!)???
If things get hectic when the wedding party lines up to make its entrance, it doesn’t matter if the wrong bridesmaids walk down the aisle with the wrong groomsmen. No-one knows (or cares, for that matter) who was supposed to be paired up with whom.
If you wrote your own vows and forget a line when you are saying your “I Dos,” no-one in the audience will be the wiser. The vows are for your betrothed, anyway, and not your “audience.” They just want to hear “I Do” from each of you and “I know pronounce you…” from the priest, rabbi, whoever.
If your updo has three fewer ringlets than it did when your hairdresser did it in the salon, don’t fall apart. It’s up, it’s fabulous, and no-one else knows the original design.
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Who Pays for What?
Yes, wedding are ~ as they should be ~ about love and romance and happiness and looking deep into your sweetie’s eyes and knowing that you’ve found your soulmate…Fantastic. But all that rejoicing doesn’t come for free, and YOU sure don’t want to shoulder the entire expense, right? I mean, that would suck all the fun out of it! So the question is, who foots the bill for the big day (and all the “little days” leading up to that big day) that celebrates all the lovey-dovey stuff? Actually, the strict rules of yesteryear regarding whose financial responsibility each aspect of the wedding process is have relaxed considerably over the past decades. Nothing is written in stone anymore ~ but if you do choose (and your family and close friends agree to play along!) to go the traditional route, here’s how things would pan out:
THE BRIDE pays for the groom’s wedding ring, accommodations for her out-of-town attendants, a party for her bridesmaids, a wedding gift for her fiancé, and gifts for the all the bridesmaids.
THE GROOM pays for the engagement ring and the bride’s wedding ring, plus the marriage license and any other necessary legal documents. He also finances the costs of the honeymoon, a wedding gift for his future wife, lodging for his out of town attendants, the clergy fee, and transportation.
MAID/MATRON OF HONOR and THE BRIDESMAIDS pay for the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. They also pay for their own gowns and accessories.
THE BEST MAN and GROOMSMEN pay for the bachelor party and their own tuxes.
THE GROOM’s PARENTS pay for the rehearsal dinner, and/or the after-wedding brunch. Of course, they also give a generous gift to the couple.
PARENTS OF THE BRIDE generally pay for everything else. This comes from the old tradition of a dowry. They pay for everything needed for the reception including music, flowers, the reception facility, food, bar costs, and anything else. They also buy their daughter her bridal gown, pay any gratuities, and of course, they also give a generous gift to the couple.
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Here are some other tips to keep in mind!
Ceremony Etiquette
Don’t be late! If a wedding invitation says that the ceremony will begin at 5, be sure to arrive there by 4:45 so as to give yourself time to find a seat and get settled. You wouldn’t want to interrupt the processional. Avoid taking photographs during the ceremony. Leave that to the professionals and respect the sanctity of the ritual in front of you.
For some great tips on all kinds of cards, invitations, envelopes and papers associated with weddings (believe us, there are a lot!), go to www.thebusybride.com/glossary.shtml
Pretty sure you’re up to speed with all the wedding lingo and terminology you’ll need to know but just want to make sure?Check out www.glossary-of-terms.net or www.wrapwithus.com/glossary
Here’s the perfect alternative to sending just the traditional thank-you cards. In advance, ask one of your guests to use a Polaroid camera and take a picture of each guest (or couple) as he/she/they arrive at your reception. When you are ready to send out your gift thank-yous, include a signed photo that also has on it the date of your wedding and a brief, separate note of thanks to your guests for having attended your special day. (Note: just make sure to buy cards/envelopes large enough to fit a Polaroid!)
Having a hard time settling on a gift for your flower girl? Think about this: what little girl wouldn’t be thrilled with a Bridal Barbie!
At a loss for what to get your man for a wedding gift? How about sexy boudoir photos of you?!
What do some of the most popular wedding flowers symbolize?
Calla Lilies: elegance, charm, sophistication
Daisies: innocent romance
White roses: purity,innocence, virture
Red roses: love and passion
Pink roses: harmony, fidelity,happy union
Tulips: everlasting love
Classical Music for Your Ceremony
We all know that music is an important tool for setting a mood ~ so it only goes to reason that for your wedding ceremony, you’ll want to choose just the right music to convey the beautiful emotions of the day. Here are some of the more popular classical pieces used:
Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D.”
Vivaldi’s “Guitar Concerto in D Major”
Handel’s “Air”
Mozart’s “Romance from String Quartet” and “Piano Concerto No. 21 in C Major”
Johann Sebastian Bach’s “Sinfonia,” “Cantata No. 29,” and “Prelude and Fugue in C”
