By Kyle Devitte

Do you like vampires? How about werewolves? OK, how about beautiful Oxford-educated actresses running around in tight leather (or is it pleather) outfits whilst slaying Vampires and Werewolves? If you answered anything but “HELL YEAH!” to any of the above questions, please stop reading. Go see that movie where Kirsten Dunst’s boyfriend and that guy from “10 Things I Hate About You” spoon each other on a mountain. Anyway…

Let’s start with director Uwe Boll, a man who has made movies so horrifically awful that he isn’t even allowed to go to see them in the theater. He was shot four times trying to bump up the box office for his Blood Rayne just last week. The man doesn’t have fans, but god bless him, he keeps making films according to his own, um, special vision. And, finally, his vision seems to be of something that movie-goers might actually enjoy watching.

Underworld: Evolution is much more than another science fiction retread. The first Underworld movie was a collection of great ideas that ultimately fell short of expectations. But Underworld: Evolution has a cohesive and engaging plot that can both stand on its own and support the ideas of the initial installment.

In fact, Underworld: Evolution is so much better than its predecessor that I forgave the fact that they added “Evolution” to the title. Hello, was Underworld 2 taken? But back to the important stuff. Gone are the clunky directing and the poorly executed storyline. Wiseman kept the good stuff ~ Kate Beckinsale (now his wife) and Scott Speedman (now indebted to him for life, no doubt). Yes, Scott Speedman is part of “the good stuff” in this movie. Oh, Ben, how you have grown from the mumbling ne-er do well on Felicity to a brooding steely-eyed second banana filled with promise. He also has the best character in the entire movie and he doesn’t utter more than ten lines. A man of few words, Michael Corwin (yes, Speedman) is yin to Selene’s (Beckinsale) yang. (FYI: For those of you who thought I’d want to rhyme yang with something phallic, you’re right ~ I want to, but I know it would never make it to print!) But I will say this: The yang and the yin do…meet…in this film. And by “meet” I mean in the nekked way. It’s a good scene that “goes there” with some surprisingly graphic pelvic acrobatics and great, um, torso shots. The U:E’s action scenes don’t disappoint, either ~ they’re fantastic and pack a delightful amount blood, bullets, and bludgeoning into each and every sequence. My personal favorite? When Corwin is transformed into his beastly blue self and starts ripping off limbs, jaws and heads…If you’re going to pay stupid high prices for tickets, you are definitely owed some Grade-A dismemberments and grisly decapitations, right?

Is this movie perfect? In the immortal words of Whitney Houston, “Hell to the no.” If you are looking for fanciful tales of merriment and valor, look elsewhere. If you’re hoping for thought-provoking dialogue, you’re gonna have to get provoked somewhere else (In fact, I’ll leave you with one of the film’s worst snippets so that when you see it coming, you’ll know it’s a perfect time for a bathroom break: Selene: “What will I become?” Some dude: “The future.” Seriously. Get a dialogue coach. Heck, I’d work for a box of Lucky Charms, a Star Wars Holiday Special bootleg and a validated parking voucher.) But if you’re a fan of blood, leather, action and beasties, (not necessarily in that order), go see Underworld: Evolution.