thePULSE“You May Now Kiss the…”
April 2004 – Planning a wedding of any kind is quite an undertaking, but even more so when the happy couple finds themselves in the midst of enormous political and legal scrutiny.
All good things come to those who wait, and we will endure the process throughout the years, with each passing anniversary, in hopes that one day this truly will be one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Amidst debating, arguing, condemnations and vote strategizing, many gay Massachusetts residents are attempting to happily plan their weddings. Planning a wedding of any kind is quite an undertaking, but even more so when the happy couple finds themselves in the midst of enormous political and legal scrutiny.
So what’s all the hub-bub? The general public, my own family included, may be a bit leery about what to expect at a gay wedding. My partner and I are planning a lovely affair without much of anything out of the “norm”. Sure, there will be men holding hands with other men, and women with other women, but that should be the extent of the gayety. There may be more lesbians wearing pantsuits than cocktail dresses, but that shouldn’t alarm anyone. I don’t anticipate having any bearded bridesmaids or men in thongs and platform shoes adorning feather boas. In fact, we have decided that neither one of us has to wear a wedding dress, much to my relief. My partner certainly wouldn’t wear one, which left me downing a gown, but I’m simply not that kind of guy. I honestly don’t think that I will be wearing white either. Gay marriage has never before been an option, therefore pre-marital sex was a non-issue. Maybe our legislators will debate that topic when the Constitutional Convention reconvenes AGAIN.
Ours will be a simple, elegant affair in the gardens of a beautiful home. The purpose of any wedding should be the public declaration of commitment and love to the most important individual in your life. Some people are never fortunate enough to find their soul mate, while others fail to acknowledge that they have done so, therefore the opportunity for everlasting companionship slips away. We recognize that we have found our soul mates in each other, and that is what our wedding will be about.
I anticipate a highly emotional day filled with tears of joy and plenty of laughter. A complete celebration of love. My mother will walk me down the aisle, bringing guests to tears as we pass. Friends and family will have the opportunity to stand and say wonderful things about us. Again, bringing guests to tears. My brother will make a toast, which I’m sure will bring both he and I to tears as it did when I was his best-man and gave a toast at his wedding some 12 years ago. My partner would like for us to say our own vows, however I fear that in the moment I will be unable to utter anything more than a simple “I Do”. I’m still trying to get out of that one!
Music selections will certainly prove to be one of the most significant differences between straight and gay weddings. You won’t hear the “Hokey-Pokey”, and there will be no “Chicken Dance.” There won’t be any “Celebration” by Kool And The Gang either. With a personal collection of over one thousand cd’s, I have already begun creating a pre-mixed selection of R&B hits from the likes of Jill Scott, Angie Stone, Heather Headley and Maxwell, as well as a wide variety of club, dance and techno remixes. I don’t know that anyone in my family will know how to move to a techno remix, so that should prove to be quite entertaining.
Many aspects to planning a gay wedding, which no heterosexual newlyweds will ever have to contemplate, remain uncertain. A honeymoon destination continues to be one of the most difficult decisions for us. We both share a love for travel, especially to the tropics. However, it hardly makes sense to travel to the tropics during a New England summer. More importantly, it makes far less sense to marry in Massachusetts only to honeymoon elsewhere where your marriage is not legally recognized. Our options are a bit narrowed by that concept — being married takes on far less significance when driving a couple hours in any direction nullifies your commitment. For those who are still unclear, this is the main reason why civil unions are less than desirable to gays and lesbians.
These are some of the factors that all newly married gays and lesbians will continue to endure while the national debate wages on. The key, which I’m still trying to convince myself of, is to embrace what we have and live for today. Complete acceptance in Anytown, USA, would be heavenly, and I have to believe that someday it shall be. All good things come to those who wait, and we will endure the process throughout the years, with each passing anniversary, in hopes that one day this truly will be one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Keith Fitzpatrick may be reached at akconsulting@charter.net
Local group offers services for same-sex weddings
Tim DeSantis, left, owner of Worcester’s Rage night club and Sean Fitzpatrick, owner of Brookfield’s Carmella’s restaurant have created a wedding network for same-sex couples.
As the court-ordered legalization of same-sex marriages nears, several Worcester area businesses have banded together to meet the matrimonial needs of gay and lesbian couples. One local group’s mission is to offer unique, personalized services to homosexual couples who decide to marry.
Called the “Greater Worcester Gay and Lesbian Wedding Network”, this coalition of local business people plans to provide a comfortable, non-threatening environment for gay and lesbian couples by offering affordable wedding packages and services exclusively through gay or gay-friendly businesses.
“For Worcester, which isn’t generally seen as a…gay-friendly community,” says Timothy DeSantis, co-owner of Rage nightclub on Water Street, “it’s nice to think that you can have a gay wedding here and use all local, gay-owned service providers.”
The alliance is affiliated with The Rainbow Wedding Network, www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com, an informative online database offering wedding services to gay and lesbian couples. The group consists of local gay businesses Rage, Vibes, a gift and bookstore on Water Street, Carmella’s Café of Brookfield, Your Perfect Party of Worcester and local Justice of the Peace Steve Pratt. The all-inclusive wedding packages start at $1995, and include complete ceremony and reception costs at Rage nightclub, including the services of a justice of the peace, a wedding cake, a DJ at the reception and a sit-down dinner, catered by Carmella’s, for up to 50 guests.
“It’s a one-stop shop,” explains Sean Fitzpatrick, general manager of Carmella’s. “We pride ourselves on quality and service. [Rage] has an awesome staff, [Carmella’s] has an excellent staff, and we’re uniting them so that we can create a more personable experience. I think a lot of businesses today have lost that personal touch.”
For those interested in the network’s services, Rage will hold a “mock wedding reception” on Saturday, May 2 from 5-9 p.m., directly following the state’s first gay wedding expo in Cambridge at the Sheraton Commander Hotel. Buses will shuttle visitors from the expo to Rage, where DeSantis says a “mini expo,” will be held, displaying how the nightclub will be transformed from a trendy hot spot to an elegant, desirable wedding location.
The bottom line, DeSantis says, is that the Greater Worcester Gay and Lesbian Wedding Network can create a comfortable, top quality wedding experience for their same-sex customers. Even in these times of supposed political correctness, he acknowledges, there are still many shades of intolerance. “Any[body] can say they’re gay-friendly. That doesn’t mean that their…staff is going to be completely…accepting,” he explains. “Whether you’ve waited five…or 20 years to have the freedom to marry your partner, you don’t want that day ruined by some homophobe…who’s uncomfortable with gay & lesbian people. We can offer that level of confidence to gay and lesbian couples that [they] are among friends.”
For information on the Greater Worcester Gay and Lesbian Wedding Network, contact Tim DeSantis at www.rage-worcester.com.
