John Trobaugh

February is always a month when we consider who loves us. However, I’d like to step back and consider what love is and how do we label it. Some people rebel against labels, but we humans appear to need labels not just to put others in boxes but also to help us review and rethink how we label ourselves. That is an essential part of what the coming out process is for most people who want to declare who they are, especially when it is different from what people assume or is expected.

Even within the LGBTQIA+ community, there is resistance to adding “new” letters or recognizing people who feel differently than what we assume. Early on there were no letters, then there was LGB. Then there was a movement to add “T”. Those of us in the older category who can recall that movement often resist additional letters. I can recall that discussion and ultimate win to have the “T” added to our community moniker, but I don’t subscribe to the idea that we are done or that the letters even now are fixed.

What does it mean that the person you love puts you in a different category? What does it mean that you were born with more sexual organs than the average male or female would have? What does it mean that you love but don’t necessarily desire to have sex with anyone? I think it relates both to the reason there are letters for our community and how we understand ourselves. We have to think back to the reason we have categories or letters in the first place. We use these letters for the political and personal advancement of our community.

When we fought as a community only for the gay people, that pitted us against not just the straight community, but also against the lesbian and bisexual community. I don’t think that is wise nor is it personally healthy. 

As a leader in the LGBTQIA+ community, formally and informally in a teaching role and participating in events, I recognize the personal impact of these labels. These labels help us define ourselves. Recently, I posted an article about the difference between Bi and Pansexual (which at this point Pan is not even on the most common lists). Bi is defined most commonly as loving both males and females. Pan is most commonly defined as loving all people no matter what their gender identity. I think there is a distinction, but many people think that coming up with a new term shows bias against Bi people. The point is that the “new” label engendered a discussion about where they fit into the spectrum. 

Today we have to stick together as a community. We need all the letters. We need to band together especially as our government wants to erase even the LGBT from the census, and our local Worcester School Committee is considering choosing a sex ed curriculum than never discusses the spectrum of sexuality (not to mention healthy relationships, what consent is, etc).