Boom, I said it. You heard this mother-lover right: Make your own damn skinny jeans or pants.

We all have pants that at one time were the best freaking thing we owned – and maybe the most expensive – but then they became way too old, lame and out of style. So you buried them in your closet like a love letter from a teenage boy who was a total jerk that you hated, although you loved every second of the sappy poem he wrote you. You pull them out once in a while, take a deep sniff of them, put them on and peruse your bedroom in them and try to acquaint them with the feel of nostalgia in your blood and your new wardrobe of way more mature and up-to-date items. And sadly, they make no sense with your life, so you fold them and leave them on your bureau in hopes a miracle happens and they come back into style again. Then, eventually, you give up all hope and shove them back into your closet.

What you will need:
Lame old pants
Your favorite pair of skinny jeans
Chalk
Pins
Scissors
Sewing machine or tailor
Vodka
And you will have to look up “tight pants” with my homies, Will and Jimmy, on YouTube.

Steal1What you will do:

  1. Take your favorite pair of skinny jeans and take your sad old pants and flip both inside out. Lay the “SOPs” on a flat surface and put your favorites on top. Line up the waists, crotches and outseams. Now, trace the inseam with chalk from the crotch to the bottoms.
  1. You’re done with your awesome skinnies until you need to hit up Target. Take your SOPs and pin them along the chalk line. Now, run them through a sewing machine. Twice. And if you don’t have one, call your grandmother or strange Aunt Judith. Or get on the phone with a tailor. They will do it for you and for cheap. Cut the excess off and be on your way. If you need them shorter, do the chalk line trick, fold over to desired length, pin and sew … twice!
  1. Flip your new skinnies inside out, put them on and do a jig in your kitchen. Look in the mirror, tell yourself what a pretty princess you are, put on a top that doesn’t have stains on it and head to Target or CVS. You are the bomb, and everyone is so jealous of you now because you have couture jeans made only for you and you are clearly the Queen of the Universe.

By Jamie Burke