Spring cleaning is a popular time for donating old clothes and scrubbing visible surfaces, but ~ at least in my childhood home ~ collecting crumbs and dust bunnies from places you’d never otherwise see was a big part of the effort. There’s a certain satisfaction that comes from knowing that your home is clean and doesn’t just look that way. Plus, it’s a good way to keep unwelcome critters away. 

It’s helpful to apply the same logic to your whole life and periodically peek into the places you normally take for granted to do some routine maintenance. Here are some important things to check to help you achieve your full potential this year.

Survey the landscape. The human brain’s natural, evolutionary preference for ease and familiarity can get us mired in situations that we wouldn’t actually choose if we had to do it over again. Ask yourself: If you could wave a magic wand and transform your life, what would it look like? For now, don’t worry about whether the fantasy is realistic or achievable; give yourself permission to let the sky be the limit. Compare your current life situation to that one and make note of the areas where there are differences. Then, you’ll have an idea where your efforts to create change in your life might yield the best bang for the buck.

Connect with intrinsic motivation. People often strive for things that are external to them, like making more money or having more power or a nicer car. These are called extrinsic goals, and research shows that focusing on them can diminish your overall feelings of happiness and well-being. People who hold intrinsic goals ~ for instance, to be skilled, compassionate, fulfilled or trustworthy ~ tend to be happier, regardless of how successful they are in achieving them.

Use others to highlight your deeply held values. The best intrinsic goals arise from values that are genuinely important to you, but identifying those values may not come easily. Try making a list of people you admire, along with their qualities that you like so much. Perhaps generosity, honesty or commitment to a craft? Whatever they are, their resonance with you probably means that you would enjoy having those qualities ~ or having more of them ~ yourself.

Your real social network. Other people serve as more than a point of reference in your life. Your relationships are crucial to your overall well-being. Online interactions with others do have a place in this discussion, but our senses, brain and nervous system ~ working together in something called the “social engagement system” ~ are optimized for detecting, cultivating and savoring in-person human contact.

We need to feel seen, heard, acknowledged and cared for ~ to have the sense that someone is there to respond if we need help. We need people to support us and help us feel capable of achieving our goals, while not making us feel dependent upon them. And we need to feel that, if things don’t work out, we have a safe harbor to return to.

If you don’t have this kind of support in your life, it’s well worth the effort to try to find it. Also, know that so-called “toxic people” exist out there, ready to play the opposite role. Such people may be obvious and intentional in their undermining of your efforts; others are more subtle. It can be helpful to assess how well your roster of relationships is meeting those universal social needs I mentioned. Also, compare the characteristics of your social contacts to those that your “admirable” people embody. Consider how any mismatches you find may be impacting your well-being now and, ultimately, your ability to achieve the kind of life you fantasize about.

Don’t forget kindness for yourself. Using these tips will help you to take stock of who you are ~ the deepest, most genuine you ~ and what might be preventing that core part of you from gleaming. A little polishing might do the trick, or you may have to put in a bit more elbow grease. Sometimes, getting unstuck means making hard choices about your career, the people in your life or any number of factors to which you’ve become accustomed.

By Jim Hjort, LCSW

Jim Hjort, LCSW, is the director of the RightLifeProject.com, where he helps people overcome roadblocks to self-actualization as a psychotherapist, Right Life coach and mindfulness meditation instructor. Check out his blog and podcast on the site and follow him on Facebook and Twitter (@RightLifeProj).