By Jennifer Russo

They say that chivalry is dead. Really? How sad a notion, really ~ that being polite and treating your partner with respect is a thing of the past. I disagree. While a guy may not need to hold a girl’s hand when she is stepping out of a carriage or toss his jacket over a puddle, and we certainly cannot expect men to pay for every date, I am a firm believer that some old-fashioned tricks of the trade should be reinstituted, or at least updated for the modern age. And women, you are not excluded! Chivalry is a choice and should be practiced by everyone.

For Men ~ Let’s start with the basics. Whatever happened to holding a door open for a woman or walking around the car to open her door? How about giving up your seat on a bus or train, so a woman doesn’t have to stand, especially if she is elderly, pregnant or disabled? And though the original reason for walking on the outside of a sidewalk is past, it’s a nice gesture to still do this. Helping a woman put her coat on, letting her sit down at a restaurant first ~ for whatever reason, these gestures have all been swept under the rug. Let’s bring these things back into the culture!

On a more modern note, being chivalrous also can mean standing in front of a woman at a crowded concert if it starts getting to rowdy, treating her with respect when you run into your friends, paying attention when she speaks and not staring at her physical assets (or those of other women when you are with her), putting the toilet seat down if you’re sharing a restroom and offering to rub her shoulders after a long day without expectation for more. In fact, never expect.

Most importantly ~ and this should be a matter of honor ~ keep your word. In my opinion, there is nothing more chivalrous than someone who fulfills his promises and stays true to his beliefs.

For Women ~ That’s right; women can be chivalrous, too. For all the complaining we do about the toilet seat, we have our own foibles. Most guys will agree that our hair being left all over the bathroom floor or in the shower drain is gross, so clean up after yourself. When in public with your significant other, don’t check out other guys, and if others happen to look at you, make it clear where you stand ~ move closer or put your arm around your guy. And keep your fights private; don’t make him look like an ass in front of his friends.

I am going to start having to practice what I preach with this one, but try not to “sound like a trucker” too often. Swearing here and there, not that big of a deal and can’t much be helped, but for every other word … not really “ladylike,” I suppose. There are little things, too, that you can do ~ notice the preferences he has, such as sitting in an aisle seat so he can stretch his legs out a little more.

Oh, and if your guy is being a gentlemen ~ let him. Don’t go on about how you can do it yourself. Of course you can. Just say thank you or smile to make him feel appreciated.

For Men and Women ~ In some cases, chivalry is also just good manners. Here are a couple of tips that apply to men and women.

• Although we have technology at our fingertips, don’t take calls or text when you’re out to dinner or at a family event. We do this so much that we don’t even realize when we are being rude.
• Don’t flirt with other people in front of your significant other. Flirting here and there in an innocent way isn’t all bad, but to do it in front of the person you are dating is extremely disrespectful.
• Introduce the person/people you are with to those they might not know.
• Say thank you, even when you’re going through the drive-thru. If someone is helping you, show gratitude.

Bottom line: Treat others exactly the way you want to be treated. As old and idea as it is, it still holds true!

Photo: “The Accolade”, Edmund Blair Leighton