By Rachel Shuster

Some things in life like love, friendship, school or work don’t always make sense, but I’m a girl who tries her damndest to get as close to the answer as possible. I’m no expert on life, but I’ve had my fair share of “life experiences.” Whether it’s my own dilemma, or something that’s on a friend or family member’s mind, there’s always something to learn from and share ~ and each month, that’s just what I’m going to do, share some of my observations on topics that you, our readers, send into Pulse at ldean@pagioinc.com!

Question: I’ve been seeing this girl for about three months.? I’d like to become exclusive and I think she wants to as well.? But we’ve never once gone out with her friends and I’ve never met anyone in her family even though they live nearby.? I’m not looking to get married right away or anything crazy.? But it feels like she’s hiding me or something.? Am I being paranoid?? I don’t know how to talk about it with her either. (Tom , 22)

This is a common situation most are hesitant to tackle with a new person they are seeing, so don’t feel alone! Now is a perfect time to see where the relationship is going. Remember, the person may have just gotten out of a bad relationship and be hesitant to get into another serious one, or she may be shy and waiting for you to make the move. Consider all scenarios (and ladies reading this, the same can go for guys, some of them will wait for us to make the move/set the pace!).

You BOTH need to talk about how you feel. It’s scary to put yourself out there, but it’s the best way to find out where you stand. Sit down, maybe over dinner at your house or out somewhere cozy and intimate that’s neutral territory, and be prepared to do something terrifying: be honest.

Let your girl know you have really enjoyed the past three months, getting to know her, doing this and that, and that you’d really like to continue to do so; make it clear that you aren’t interested in seeing anyone else because you really enjoy spending time with her. She’ll respect you for being open and vulnerable, and will likely then feel comfortable doing the same.

If it turns out that the feelings are mutual, introducing each other to your respective friends should come naturally. Plan a casual outing with your friends, her friends, or both. Meet up for drinks, go bowling, try mini golfing, catch a movie ~ there are lots of options, just choose something social that allows everyone to mingle and keep it light.

If “the talk” is too nerve-racking to have right away, try making plans with friends first. Try, “Why don’t we get together with John and Sarah this weekend. You said they  live nearby, right? We can shoot some pool at The Bar. I’ll call a few of my friends, too.” Then if everyone has a great time, you should feel brave enough to have “The Talk.” If you don’t connect with her friends, though, that might say something, too.

Meeting family, even if they live nearby, is a big step for most…arguably bigger than meeting the friends. Let things happen naturally ~ maybe mention that you think it would be cool to meet her family sometime if they’re having a big, casual get-together.  Or if she has a brother or sister around your age, ask if he/she might want to hang out for a drink or go see a band with you sometime.  Don’t angle too hard for meeting her parents one-on-one.  And make sure you ask a few questions about things that interest her parents (and some that might not sit too well with them!) before you do meet so that you already have some safe topics of conversation.

The key is to be honest and understanding. You both have to be honest about how you feel and understanding about the other’s feelings. Neither one can wonder what the status of your relationship is. It’s scary, but in the long run, it will be best for you both. It allows for an open and honest relationship, should this turn into one, and if not, it’ll make you a stronger and more confident person the next time around.

XO,
Rachel