The Scariest Band on Earth

By Jillian Locke

From the crustaceous, deplorable, despicable depths of the most cantankerous and diabolical black hole in outer space, GWAR has been obliterating legions of intergalactic and human enemies for the past 25 years…and, since they’re immortal, will be doing the same for eons to come. We here at Pulse think that all of the above criteria entitles GWAR to bear the all-encompassing responsibility and honor of being acknowledged as the SCARIEST BAND ON EARTH!

“I don’t think there’s been a figure in entertainment that is so consistently horrible and constantly putting on a spectacle like GWAR does. We never shy from this responsibility,” says GWAR front man and space-metal overlord Oderus Urungus. “We are dedicated to one thing ~ being the most absolutely terrifying, frightening, horrible band in history. It’s gotta be GWAR, it’s only GWAR, and I congratulate Pulse for having the balls to admit it.”

Bill O’Reilly and Fox ‘Red Eye’ have also caught onto the intergalactic pandemonium, inviting Oderus again and again and again back to co-host their late night show. “Every time I go on ‘Red Eye,’ I figure every episode will be my last. But they keep inviting me back. Bill O’Reilly and I are the opposite sides of the same coin,” Oderus warmly reflects. Although heavily censored, Oderus has found a prime-time podium to spread his delightfully appalling message of blood, guts, pillaging and much more that we can’t even print in this magazine.
Continuing the carnage, GWAR is set to release yet another odorous opus on the human race next month entitled Bloody Pit of Horror. “It’s a musical bloody pit of horror ~ the most horrible sounding thing I’ve heard since the last four albums,” plugs Oderus, with space mutant pride.

Until then, fans are invited to enjoy GWAR, once again, on October 16 at the annual Rock and Shock horror convention at the DCU Center/ThePalladium. “We’ve forbidden them to ever have it without us. When we go to Worcester this year, we’re going to be so scary that everyone is going to sh*t themselves.” And where will eager fans be able to find their space mutant metal god? “I’ll be out back at the sausage cart.”

As for the staying power of GWAR and their abilities to hold strong and true the title of Scariest Band on Earth, Oderus had this to say: “We fulfill a service for the human race. Somebody’s gotta act like this, and we make it so you don’t have to.”

CHECK OUT GWAR ON THE WEB

www.gwar.net
www.gwar.tv
www.gwarbq.com
www.youtube.com/user/gwar
www.metalblade.tv/tv

GWAR’S FACEBOOK PAGE:
www.myspace.com/gwarofficial

TWITTER Feeds
ODERUS: twitter.com/therealoderus
BALSAC: twitter.com/BalSacJoD