By Matt Shaw

Here’s a piece of advice for all of you New World Irish lads and lasses out there: don’t go to Ireland for St. Patrick’s Day. It sounds like fun, but let’s face it, that’s quite a commute when you have to be at work the very next day. But since not celebrating this most sacred of holidays isn’t even an option, the good news is that you can get your Irish on right here at home.  In fact, we insist upon it.

So here’s a list of Worcester O’County pubs at which you must have a Guinness before you die.

O’Connor’s  ~ 1160 West Boylston St., (508) 853 – 0789
Sure, you could grab a Guinness at the most iconic Irish restaurant in Worcester, but you’d be flanked by about a million other half-in-the-bag, green-clad revelers doing the exact same thing. Man up and grab a Glenlivet 18-year old single malt Scotch or a Knappogue 1994 Irish whiskey.

Irish Times  ~  244 Main St., (508) 797 – 9599
I’m not so sure what it is that’s Irish about Irish Times; maybe it’s the fact that people there seem to appreciate good old-fashioned craic the same way the Irish do. Maybe they share an Irish love for music. Or maybe it’s that Irish Times patrons appreciate their malted barley as any Irishman. Whatever the reason, you must raise a pint at 244 Main St. this St. Patrick’s day and declare your proud Irish heritage. In a silly green plastic hat.

An Cu Liath ~ 11 Kelley Sq. (Water St.), (508) 754 – 6100
The name of this thoroughly authentic Irish pub is roughly translated to “The Grey Hound.” This bar is one of the many things to love about the revitalized Canal District: authentic Irish charm in the heart of Worcester.  But if sentimental value doesn’t do anything for you, try pragmatism ~ 20 oz. pours of Guinness, Smithwick’s and the elusive Tetley’s for $4.50 or less. You want real Irish? You got it.

Fiddler’s Green ~ 19 Temple St., (508) 792 – 3700
No mistaking the Irish heritage ingrained in this pub. They can’t teach you how to speak like an Irishman, or how to drink like one. But if you want to learn how to dance like an Irishman, Fiddler’s Green can help. Ceili classes are held every Monday, and Irish set dancing instruction is also available. Jump in on their Irish Seisiuns, and you can even learn to fiddle like a Leprechaun!

Mickey Shea’s  ~  324 Electric Ave. Lunenburg, (978) 342-LUCK
If for some reason your celebratory reveling finds you in the lucky town of Lunenburg, stop by Mickey’s to get your bearings. On St. Patrick’s Day, nothing goes better with Guinness than pub food, and Mickey’s has some of the finest in the area.

Creegan’s Pub ~ 65 Green St.,(508) 873-6659
This is where the cool kids hang out. And I don’t mean “cool” in the trendy A/X douchoise sense.  This is the kind of place you go to hang out with the kids you’ve known since the sandbox. And as an added bonus, these guys serve Wachusett Quinn’s Irish Ale. Slainte!

Emerald Isle ~  49 Millbury St., (508) 792-3830
Thursdays: All-you-can-eat roast beef, $12.99. Wait, I don’t think you understood me. All the roasted beast you can jam into your gullet, slathered in meaty goodness and dripping with delicious, for only 13 bucks. God, I love this country.

Funky Murphy’s Bar & Grill ~ 305 Shrewbury St., (508) 753-2995)
You could start with hummus and a rock crab cake salad before diving into the grilled salmon Athena, or you could start with sliders and a Caesar before gunning a juicy burger with everything. It’s your call, really, but consider this: St. Patrick didn’t eat no stinkin’ crab cakes.

Galway Bay Irish Pub ~ 186 Stafford St., (508) 753-8909
Sports on TV? Check. Pool tables? Check. Dart board, long wooden bar, and random stuff on the walls? Check, check, and check. Guinness on draught? Double check. Big tables that seat at least eight? Octo-check. But here’s where it gets interesting: the Galway is one of a handful of Irish bars in the state where you can get Murphy’s. Check it out. (Rimshot.)

The Banner Bar & Grille ~ 112 Green St., (508) 755-0879
Wondering why The Banner is always one of the busiest bars in the Canal District, never mind the rest of the city?  It’s no mystery ~ it’s their excellent American/Irish menu (even more excellent because all items are under $10!).  This classic sports bar is proud of its Irish identity and features Terry Brennan on Thursdays and cold Guinness throughout the week.

JP O’Hanlon’s Irish Pub ~ 9 Main St., Ayer,  (978) 772-9282
Time was you walked into a so-called Irish pub and ordered a Bud Light from a decidedly Italian-looking bartender, and no one was any the wiser. Enter JP’s. Tucked away in apple-country, the Ayer pub has an impressive draught list, with Murphy’s Red and Old Speckled Hen on tap for the asking. Their Scotch selection, though, is through the roof. Try Auchentoshan, and after you’ve stopped weeping openly, thank me. And buy me a round.