The Cure for Valentine’s Day Sappiness
By Leeanne Griffin

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…that is, if you’re into cheap chocolate, overpriced flowers and lots of red and pink crap. If you’re not happily coupled up ~ or if you wish St. Valentine had just died of natural causes ~ here are some sites to keep you amused on February 14.

SomeECards
www.someecards.com

You won’t find goopy, sappy “I can’t live without you, schmoopie” sweet nothings on this site. Try: “Today’s a perfect day to belittle our single friends.” “I’m ready to change my Facebook dating status if you are.” Or the ever-so-heartwarming “Be my Valentine if we’re still dating then.” No, this site is not for the hopeless romantics. But if your significant other has a sense of humor, he or she will chuckle – we hope! Or if you truly hate everything Valentine, then just spend the wretched day laughing at these anti-Cupid statements and forwarding them to your friends. And if you’re feeling spiteful as your annoying coworker brags about her spectacular bouquet of roses, you can giggle at this one: “Your gift to me was so wonderful that I think you’ve been cheating.”

Anti V-Day
www.antivday.com

Talk back to your fellow V-day haters. This site is mostly forum-based, with an online store full of anti-Valentine gear. While much of the forum is full of complaints, there are some interesting tidbits if you sort through carefully. Get ideas for anti-Valentine’s parties, Feb. 14 girls’ night out ideas and funny gifts to give boyfriends. There’s also history on the holiday, perspective on the holiday from other countries, poetry and even statistics. Did you know that 15% of women in the United States send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day?

BitterSweets
www.despair.com/bittersweets.html

Call this the confectionary version of someecards.com. At first glance, BitterSweets look like the candy hearts you might have passed out to your classmates in grade school. But “I LUV U” and “B MINE” have been replaced by “AIM LOWER” “DO MY DISHES” “PEAKED AT 17’ and “8 WIVES OK?” They also come in six different flavors, including “Banana Chalk,” “You-Call-This-Lime?” and “Fossilized Antacid.” Guess you’ll just have to try them for yourself…

Anti-Valentine Teddy
www.hallmark.com/ecards (Click on Valentine’s Day)

What?? An anti-Valentine card from the company that profits most from the holiday? Blasphemy! But maybe Hallmark’s wizened up and realized that not everyone loves flowers and having chocolates shoved down their throat. The talking “Anti-Valentine Teddy” featured in this e-card utters sarcastic statements (“If I could only count the ways in which I love you…oh wait, I don’t have any fingers, too bad!”), burps loudly and rudely and threatens to call the cops if the user pulls his string “one more time.” Really, if this teddy bear were a human, you’d want to take him out for a beer.