Don’t Worry, Pulse Can Dig You Out!
By Amanda Kiernan
Ever experienced a relationship rut? Trust me, you’re not alone.
Some people are lucky enough to skip over this stage of boredom. Others aren’t. Many couples who have been together for a year or longer go through it. It’s normal. Repeated patterns can really do a couple in. Honestly, does take-out and a movie EVERY Friday night sound thrilling? I don’t think so. But there’s good news ~ the problem can be overcome…and the process can actually be fun.
Take Toni V., for example. She’s a 19 year old junior at Fitchburg State College and has been in a relationship for 3 years…so she’s experienced the boredom first hand. “We’ve been together so long not every second is new and exciting.”
The reasons behind your ongoing eye-rolling boredom could be one of many. As mentioned earlier, routines are a killer. Weak communication could also take a huge toll on any relationship. And believe it or not, the lack of one-on-one time with your partner could be a big factor.
Justin C., a 21 year old senior, has been in his relationship for over 3 years now. “We have experienced a rut and sometimes it’s hard to come up with things to do when you have done everything. Also it is hard because I never get to see her because she is away at school. So when she comes home on the weekend she works so it definitely gets hard to spend that quality time.”
Many college couples get so caught up with school, work, and their friends that they make little or no time for quality time. Are you guilty of neglecting quality time? Don’t sweat it. You’ll be forgiven as long as you make the effort to bring it to an end.
In Justin’s situation, “She came to me with the issue, but we both knew we were in a rut because we always just did the same old things. We never wanted to do anything new because we could never think of anything. She asked me if I was bored. At first I was confused but then it clicked. I got her point and from a guy’s perspective it’s not a good thing when your girlfriend tells you she’s bored. That could mean she was bored in the bedroom or in our relationship. Both are bad.”
When a relationship gets boring it doesn’t necessarily mean the fire is gone. It just means you need to throw a little more gas on it and give it a chance to roar back up again.
Alicia L., 20, shared how she and her boyfriend dealt with the issue of boredom. “We just talked about how boring our relationship has become and how we did the same thing everyday. Then, instead of going to the movies or going out to eat, we cooked dinner together which was fun. We also decided not to plan out what we are going to do on a certain day that we are spending our time together; instead we just do things at a spur of the moment. Not having a plan can spice up a relationship sexually, emotionally and physically.”
Alicia is absolutely right. Spur of the moment ideas are just one great way to put the thrill back into the relationship.
For those of you out there who want to put the ZING back into your relationship, here are some tips:
Kick the routines. I’m talking about in THAT department, too. Spice up the whole thing…your relationship and love life. Do things you wouldn’t dare do before. Take risks; it’s sexy. Take control ~ Grab the keys and say you’re going out for a change.
Speak up with ideas you may have. Tell your other half that the routine is getting old and you want a change. Explain that you have different ideas to spice things up. Your guy/girl might just get intrigued and listen.
He/she may have ideas of his or her own or add their two cents to yours. Be sure to ask questions, you’ll want to know ALL of their thoughts. Questions will strike up the conversation which will lead back down the road to bliss. Re-connecting with your b/f or g/f can be just as hot as connecting for that first time was!
Setting time aside for just the two of you could make a huge impact on your relationship. Skipping out on a couple of nights out with your friends isn’t going to kill you and it might just save the relationship. A dinner for just the two of you must be just the thing.
Take a vacation…ALONE! It doesn’t matter the season, location or distance. Be spontaneous…jump online, book a hotel and pack your bags. Too expensive? Then do a daytrip. The whole idea is to get away from the norm together.
So remember, you can get past this awkward patch in your relationship. Follow these tips and you’re golden. As Jaimie P., a junior at FSC put it, “Be patient and work through it if you really want to make things work.”
Good Luck!!