By Shelly Schweizer, Steve Henricksen, and Leslie Marin.

Marriage is a weighty proposition. It revolves around some very long-standing, profound, valuable ideals ~ monogamy, emotional support, having children, sharing the future, standing by a partner through good times and bad. However, although the institute of marriage should not be taken lightly nor the bond entered into on a whim, The Wedding and the related festivities need not be predictable or out-dated. They can be traditional but modern, classic but with a twist. No longer must we endure staid, white dress-rubber chicken-virginal bride-pastel only-honor and obey- same religion-his side/her side-please-no-more-kitchen-appliances affairs. And for those of you who don’t even fall into the “modified traditional” category, there are some more unique, creative, even daring approaches that you can take to your nuptials, too. Basically, there are as many different possibilities and variations on the wedding theme as there are couples preparing to say their I Dos. Chances are, if you can think it up, you can have it.

Choosing The Feel of Your Wedding

The act of marriage is as conventional as it gets, and it’s also a huge investment of time and money, so it’s perfectly fine to stick to time-honored, meaningful traditions to celebrate your big day.

That said, though, your wedding needn’t be boring or cookie cutter, so long as you do it with style. Think of traditional as being like Frank Sinatra or Audrey Hepburn ~ classic and cool, modern and timeless, yet refined.

Going the traditional route removes a lot of stress, since it provides brides and grooms with a trusty little road map that has withstood the test of time. And whether your budget is the size of the national debt or as tiny as Gisele’s bikini, you can aim for understated elegance, because good taste never goes out of style.

First Things First ~ Do You Really Need Dad’s Permission? Yes, if you’re staying traditional.

However outdated it seems, a groom might seriously consider asking the bride’s parents for permission if they’re a bit conservative or traditional, and certainly if he’s hoping that they’ll foot the bill It’s never offensive to ask ~ if the parents weren’t expecting it, you’ve won huge points. If they were, well, you’ve done the right thing. Asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage shows good form and superior breeding. And while your potential in-laws will most likely enjoy watching you squirm, they won’t have the nerve to say no to that look of hopeful sincerity on your face!

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Says:

Ask for his/her father’s permission? That’s an unequivocal “Maybe.”

If you ever borrowed money from dear old dad-to-be and haven’t paid him back yet ~ nope, don’t bother.

If you’ve accidentally run over mom-to-be’s beloved 10-year old Siamese cat “Baby” ~ don’t bother.

If you’ve bent “Dad’s” nine-iron into a good, 90-degree angle and not replaced it ~ forget it.

If “Dad’s” ever caught you climbing into (or out of) her bedroom window ~ maybe: Were you fully dressed? Then yes, go for it, ask for that hand in marriage. Did you have her pink thong twisted around your head? Then nope, don’t bother.)

Get the idea? But, if you’re into this and have no major past transgressions to fear ~ go for it. Parents dig this stuff ~ in a big way. (Yes, include “Mom” – she’ll be eavesdropping from the kitchen, anyway…) It reveals your maturity and the seriousness of your intention. Call ahead and plan a free night with the folks-to-be, bring a nice bottle of wine and wear a tie (even if you have to borrow one). Go by yourself and arrange to have your fiancée meet you there directly after the asking is done so you can all celebrate together after it’s agreed upon. It’s a very nice way to start the general proceedings and creates good-will before you start haggling over who’s going to pay for what -especially if Dad doesn’t offer you any money or valuables to take her off of his hands. (Typically Americans don’t do dowries, but it never hurts to ask. “What goes with her?” or “Does she come with any furniture?” I’M KIDDING, GUYS!)

The Proposal

Traditionally, there is one ~ whether it’s on bended knee at the swankiest place in town or written in the sky by a crop duster. Guys have historically done the asking but in this day and age, plenty of women do the honors. Usually, a ring is proffered (See For Him: Choosing the Rock) to sweeten and seal the deal, but since some couples now ring shop together, you might be able to wait until after the proposal to get your rock.

Does Size Matter?

The most popular choices are traditional, one carat round brilliant stones or princess cut diamonds in platinum and white gold settings.

Joseph Atechian, President of Shavarsh, a custom jeweler in Worcester, said that 70 to 80% of the cost of an engagement ring is the stone. Wedding bands are significantly cheaper. Most brides and grooms wear engraved, matching bands, and increasingly, those are embellished with diamonds.

Presenting one’s betrothed with a cherished family heirloom is a sentimental choice, but what if it’s absolutely hideous? Smile and have a custom jeweler place the stone into a brand new setting.

These days, ladies often initiate ring shopping and bring their guys into a store to check out styles together. George Boulgarian, co-owner of George’s Fine Jewelers in Leominster, estimates that 75% of the time, couples come into his shop to look together.

“Women want to get what they like,” Boulgarian said. “They go out searching together and that gives the guy the idea.”

Sporting some serious bling is in vogue these days, but if you’re on a budget and your rock resembles a pebble, don’t despair. You can always upgrade your ring at a later date, by incorporating your stone it into a larger setting or trading it in for a new larger one.

And if you break up before the wedding, you’re not obligated to return the ring, because it’s a gift ~ but you’re tacky if you don’t. Really tacky.

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Says:

The tradition, as most of us know, is to be prepared with a rock when you pop the question. Going rate for the rock: TWO months salary (if it’s especially gaw-geous, it could seal the deal ~ girls love bling. Deal with it. That ain’t never changing.). Then, as a couple you’d choose your wedding bands for the ceremony sometime prior to the ceremony. Also part of this tradition is to have your initials and wedding date engraved on each other’s bands that you’ll exchange during the ceremony (if your best man hasn’t managed to lose the one he’s holding for you when he rendezvous with her maid of honor in the coatroom before the ceremony). If this sounds horribly old-school and not at all symbolic of your relationship, consider:

Matching tattoos – á la Angelina and Billy Bob (oh, wait…look how long they lasted….)

A family heirloom ~ big points for sentimentality plus HELLO, it’s free!

A ring from a box of Cracker Jacks if you’ve changed your mind and don’t have the ‘nads to break things off in a mature way. This’ll do it. It also might get you kicked in the jewels (ironically, since it’s jewels, or the lack thereof, that are getting you into trouble in the first place…but I digress.).

For Him: Choosing the Rock

Guys, we’ve all heard about the 4 Cs of engagement rings ~ Color, Cut, Carat [weight], and the 2 months’ salary guideline for the final “C,” Cost. But there’s a lot more that goes into choosing the perfect ring for that perfect proposal.

1: Pay Attention!

What color metal does she wear? Yellow gold? Platinum? What’s the style of the jewelry she wears most? Modern? Vintage? Classic? And if you have no idea what the difference is, ask one of your female friends or relatives. Women know these things.

2: Has She Dropped any Hints?

Has she ever mentioned her favorite jewelry stores, or even pointed out a certain ring or style of ring that she thinks is pretty? Or conversely, has she ever mentioned something like, “I hate big, gaudy rings?” (That’s the phrase you want to hear…that she’s actually be offended by something totally encrusted in high-end diamonds…so pray for it.) Or maybe she’s not a fan of diamonds and always seems more taken with jewelry that has sapphires or rubies.

3: What Looks Best on Her Hands?

Does she have short fingers? If so, consider an elongated shape, maybe oval or marquise cut. If she had long fingers, you can go for wider bands. Think about proportions ~ a small setting can get lost on a larger hand (but DUH, NEVER mention to your lady that you think she has large hands…EVER!).

4: Choose the Right Shape & Setting

Round diamonds might be the most popular shape, but that doesn’t mean your bride prefers them. There are lots of shapes to look at, including pear-shaped, square, and emerald cut. You can also look at fancier shapes like hearts. Will she prefer a solitaire diamond or something surrounded by other stones (diamonds or other gemstones)?

5: Consider her Lifestyle

Does her profession lend itself to more streamlined jewelry (aka if she works in retail or fashion, consider that high prongs could snag clothing)?

6: Figure Out her Ring Size

If she has rings that she wears on her engagement finger, you can wrap a piece of paper around one and then hold the paper up to a sizing chart (easily found on-line). Or you can “steal” the ring and bring it to the jeweler for a quick sizing. Or you can be completely dull about it and just ask her outright, but there goes the surprise…

7: Consider a Loose Diamond

If you’re feeling pretty confident about which shape stone she’ll like, but a little unsure about all the other variables, buy a loose diamond to show her when you pop the question. Then later you can shop together to create the ring itself (Note: some women love being a part of the entire ring “quest,” and others prefer to be surprised by the finished product ~ so make sure you know your lady well before deciding to ask for her input into HER ring!)

Who’s Footing the Bill?

Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding and reception, and the groom paid for the rings, the flowers, and the honeymoon. But increasingly, folks are older when they’re getting married, so they’re kicking in the cash.

Adrian Parker, manager of the elegant Tuckerman Hall in Worcester, said that roughly half of his clients, most of whom are in their late 20s and early 30s, pay for the wedding themselves. Mom and Dad still foot the bill for the other, luckier half.

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Says:

Who Pays for What? Or Do I really Have to Sell my Harley to Pay for this Thing?

Traditionally, the bride’s family paid for just about the entire wedding. The groom’s family got off easy with just the rehearsal dinner. Today, the lines are very fuzzy so best to get the whole financial thing out on the table as soon as possible. Guesstimate a budget together before you start planning the depth of your finagling (Your chick will have a good handle on this, so no worries. She’s been planning the whole thing since she was ten, so she’s prepared). If you really need financial help, it’s best to start very early in the money talks with her parents using questions like: “Can your family do all the cooking? I really love your 3-bean salad ~ is it possible to make it for 200?”

Be Prepared, The Proposal Won’t Always Go As Planned!

Submitted by Pulse readers Heidi Butler & Mark Nuzzolilo of Sterling

It was after dinner on 2/13/06, and my daughter was resting while my boyfriend and some of his friends who had come over were outside sledding. About 20 minutes after they’d gone outside, one of his friends came in and kept trying to convince me to come see the “jump” they have made. I was so nice and warm snuggled by the fire watching TV, though, that I didn’t want to budge. But after fighting with him for a while, I finally threw on some sneakers and a hoodie and headed out to the deck (ONLY, mind you, because a commercial had come on).

Now picture this. All our friends are gathered on the deck and my boyfriend is at the far end of the lawn. I’m stupidly waiting for him to start pulling his sled over to whatever jump they’d made, but he isn’t moving. Not a muscle. I delicately asked our friends, “What the F* is he doing?” but no-one answered. So I asked again, emphasis on the “F*” ~ it was cold out, dammit!

Finally, probably out of frustration, the group shouted almost in unison, “Can’t you read that???!!!”

My boyfriend had written “Will you marry me?” in the snow.

(Here’s the best part!)

Instead of jumping up and down screaming “YES!,” or crying tears of joy like any other sane woman might, I started screaming, “Are you f*in’ kidding me?” over and over and over again. And to top it off, I was so caught off guard that the only thing I could think to do was throw empty recycling bottles of soda at him ~ and I have great aim!

Finally, he came up on the deck, got down on one knee, and proposed using my mother’s wedding ring that my father had given her many years ago.

By the way, to top it all off, our friends got the whole thing on video and the wedding is set for June 16 of this year!

Get The Ball Rolling ~ Now!

Now that you’re over the initial glow, it’s time to get to work. You’ll need to determine a date, create an initial guest list to get your numbers, and book a space. If you want a particular venue or vendor, book them as soon as possible (Competition can be fierce for prime dates in the spring, summer and fall. Be aware that many popular spaces and vendors will be booked up to a year or more in advance.). Feeling a little overwhelmed? Check out these on-line wedding resources ~ they’ll help you organize, learn what other brides are doing, and get a feel for options you might not otherwise have known about.

Top Wedding Sites

The Knot www.theknot.com
Wedding 411 www.wedding411.com
Wedding Channel www.weddingchannel.com
Modern Bride www.brides.com/
Bridalplanner.com www/bridalplanner.com
iBride www.ibride.com
Today’s Bride www.todaysbrideonline.com/bridalpass
WedNet www.wednet.com
WayCool Weddings waycoolweddings.com
Wedding Ideas www.weddingideas.com
Ultimate Internet Wedding Guide www.ultimatewedding.com
Wedding Details www.weddingdetails.com
WedFind www.wedfind.com
Bridalink www.shopforweddings.com
USABride www.usabride.com

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Reminds you of Some Legalities:

To be eligible to marry in Massachusetts, both parties must be 18 years or older. If you wanna marry a 16-yr old, go to Georgia and git her done…or else you’re goin’ directly to jail.

You also can’t be married to anyone else. No pullin’ the old “Oh darn, I’m so sorry your honor, I totally flaked and forgot that Candy and I are still hitched! My bad!” You’ll get your Mormon- wanna-be butt thrown in jail for up to five years and just might have to pay a $500 fine, money that could much better be served on, say, well, just about ANYTHING else.

And, although I SURE hope the following info is unnecessary, you may NOT marry your sister, brother, nephew, niece, stepparent or child. Your cousin? Legal-ish but EWWWWWW, try dating outside your family’s gene pool, please!

A Note, Now, to Family Members and Guests

Your only job is to be a pleasant guest, whether you’re a friend of the bride and groom or simply someone’s “Plus one.” Therefore, you’re required to act with a modicum of decorum and respect. Consult the doyennes of etiquette, Emily Post or Miss Manners, for timeless answers to vexing questions about gift giving, appropriate dress and behavior. And please, no eye rolling or giggling during any part of the ceremony or reception (no matter how poofy the bridesmaids’ dresses!) ~ the day is so not about you (in other words, save up all the dish until after the wedding!).

Going Public

Couples can now share their happy news on their blog, MySpace, or via e-mail blast for free. But since those methods are exactly steeped in tradition, couples can also inform extended family and friends by placing an engagement announcement in their local newspapers (that’s right, in the same pages that we females head to each Sunday to see which former high school classmate has beaten us down the aisle). Many of the large daily newspapers now charge for engagement and wedding announcements, with packages ranging from two line engagement listings to announcements in their print and internet editions, an on-line guest book, and links to the couple’s gift registries (the jury is out on this last registry service ~ some invited guests take it as a lovely convenience, others as a little…pushy, but we’ll leave it up to you to form your own opinions). Some of the smaller weeklies run announcements and a black and white photo for free. Check each publication’s website for their policies and prices.

If you break up before the big day, don’t expect the publication to print a retraction. They won’t. We checked. So don’t even think about it.

Location, Location, Location

Those going the traditional route will most likely hold their wedding ceremony at their church, synagogue or mosque ~ or hotel, country club, museum or other function space if it’s an interfaith ceremony. Everyone needs a place to hold a reception. Whether it’s in a ballroom or your backyard depends on your budget.

Here are some venues to consider:

Union Station – The Restaurant – Worcester, MA
Tuckerman Hall – Worcester, MA
Mechanics Hall – Worcester, MA
Bull Run Restaurant – Shirley, MA
Tower Hill Botanic Gardens – Boylston, MA
The Chocksett Inn – Sterling, MA
The Harding Allen Estate – Barre, MA
The Harrington Farm – Princeton, MA
Leicester Country Club – Leicester, MA
Hudson Portuguese Club – Hudson, MA
Pleasant Valley Country Club – Sutton, MA
Publick House Historic Inn – Sturbridge, MA
Four Points By Sheraton Leominster – Leominster, MA
Townsend Ridge Country Club – Townsend, MA
Spring Hill Suites at Devens Common Center – Devens, MA
Wachusett Village Inn – Westminster, MA
Zukas Hilltop Barn – Spencer, MA
Salem Cross Inn – W. Brookfield, MA
Blissful Meadows – Uxbridge, MA
The Manor Restaurant & Function Facility – West Boylston, MA
Charter Oak Country Club – Hudson, MA
Hartman’s Herb Farm B&B – Barre, MA
Beechwood Hotel – Worcester, MA
Crowne Plaza – Worcester, MA
Wachusett Country Club – West Boylston, MA
White Cliffs – Northboro, MA
Indian Meadows Country Club – Westboro, MA
Cyprian Keyes Country Club – Boylston, MA

…for a more complete listing, head to sudburyjp.com/Venues.htm

Going the hotel route has its advantages ~ it can be less expensive and planning can be less stressful than holding an event in a function space, where you’ll need to arrange and pay for everything down to the last soup spoon. At a hotel, there’s no need to rent a thing and if you choose to upgrade items like linens, the hotel catering staff has lists of preferred vendors and can help you make arrangements. The downside of hotel weddings is that they can be less personalized, meaning that yours might be the third wedding of the day. The menu, while tasty, can be less creative that what an independent caterer might be able to offer.

Unusual spaces like mansions and museums can add a pleasing aesthetic to your event. However, you’ll need to hire a caterer to provide your food and in some cases, bartending services and other vendors.

If you’re putting up a tent to put up in your yard or are renting a beautiful old mansion that has no function staff, you’ll need to handle most of the details yourself and hire a caterer and independent contractors for linens, tables, chairs and audiovisual equipment. Depending on your time and budget, you might consider hiring a wedding planner.

Regardless of where you choose to hold your reception, Parker said there are some distinct advantages for couples hosting weddings in Central MA.

“There’s a lot of value here and it’s a nice halfway point. Your dollar stretches more here than it does in Boston,” he said.

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Says,

“Don’t forget you can elope, aka run and get the hell outta Dodge before Uncle Lou insists on singing at the ceremony.”

Choose a location that is meaningful to you as a couple and GO! Don’t look back, don’t think of your parents’ tears when they find out you’ve deprived them of one of the greatest joys in their lives. Find a JP on the way and make tracks. You’ll get to share this most special moment with only your betrothed ~ no distractions, no drunken guests, no embarrassing relatives. On your return, it’s perfectly acceptable to send out wedding announcements, but bear in mind that you may be sacrificing some great wedding booty (no, not the kind you got on your honeymoon, you dirty boy, you!)…I’m talkin’ presents and possibly cash. Some of your friends will want to celebrate the great news by sending you a gift even though they weren’t invited to the festivities, but others might not think it’s necessary, so be prepared to spring for your own steak knives and blender. Blessing or Curse, Your Call: Expect that particularly pissy relatives and friends will be hurt if you decide to slip off quietly and get married without their involvement and may not speak to you for a while, either. It’s normal. ~ so that’s either a great way to ensure some quality uninterrupted together time when you and your new spouse arrive home, or it’s a great way to ensure that your parents and in-laws will never lend you money, citing, “Well, you certainly didn’t need us to get married, now did you….” It might not be pretty. So be armed with a post-wedding celebration plan that includes them so they can share in your joy. Or let them plan it for you if that’s the whole reason you eloped to begin with ~ ELIMINATING the whole planning part.

Flower Power

Contact your florist early to help you shape your color scheme. Bring fabric swatches, invitations and photos to help you determine the colors for your bouquet and table arrangements.

Cathy Walsh, owner of Sprout in Worcester, personalizes arrangements by asking her clients to recall their favorite floral memories.

“Think about the first flowers he gave you, or gardening with your mom as a kid ~ things that make it personal to you. The flowers should be a reflection of the couple,” Walsh said.

She added that classic brides tend to go for monochromatic looks and that pink is still the favorite, but is now accented by lime green, brown or white for a fresh look. She added that for the men, boutonnières are running smaller.

“No one wants to see anything big and fluffy. They’re staying away from something too flowery looking, using pod, berries, things that don’t even look like flowers.”

Michael Allen, manager of Bloomers in Tatnuck Square in Worcester, said that the wedding magazines popularize most floral styles, and pointed out that over time, tastes change.

“What’s [considered] traditional changes over time. It means more mainstream,” he said.

Thankfully, brides now favor hand tied bouquets over cascades of flowers in plastic holders with doilies. Allen said brides tend to have a second, smaller bouquet to toss and that the attendants usually have smaller versions of the bride’s bouquet or the same types of flowers but in different colors.

According to both Walsh and Allen, roses, hydrangeas, orchids and calla lilies still top the list of wedding favorites.

Casting Call

Once you have your date and venue selected, it’s time to get the other players in place. Photographers, entertainers and other vendors should be reserved at this time.

Keep in mind that while bands tend to be more expensive than hiring a DJ, bands can botch up your favorite song. Some photographers specialize and use a photojournalistic style so if you’re looking for a traditional photographer, check their portfolios. It’s usually a good sign that a DJ or photographer comes with an assistant ~ it means that you’re dealing with an established professional.

Invitations should be selected at least six months before the event, and be sure to bring your florist into the picture as early as possible.

The Limo

You don’t have to rent your limo quite as far in advance, but you still have to decide on what style you’re going to want:

Rent a traditional stretch Lincoln and impress the wedding party
Rent a stretch Hummer and impress your college buddies
Rent a Rolls Royce or Bentley and impress everyone
Show up in your ‘87 Corolla and impress, well, no one

Top Weddings Songs

Lots of couples have a favorite “our song” that they ask to have played for their first dance as husband and wife. But what about all the other important moments and traditions during a wedding that call for musical accompaniment?

You will need music for:

* the interlude
* prelude
* the processional
* the recessional
* the first dance
* the last dance
* mother/son dance
* cake cutting
* bouquet toss
* the party itself

Check out these sites to get some ideas from what other people have chosen for their wedding music!

www.freedjamerica.djintelligence.com
www.memorymakers.info/popular/
www.honeymooncruiseshopper.com/most-popular-wedding-songs.htm
www.acustomdj.com/Songs/first-dance-song-list.htm
www.ourweddingsongs.com/

Want to have a little fun at your new in-laws’ expense? After all, they did make that snide remark about your college buddies… Make sure to have the DJ play Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” and Guns-n-Roses’ “Used to love her but I had to kill her.” Just for fun, of course.

Food, Glorious Food

When choosing a menu, you must consider your budget and your personal tastes, and accommodate guests who are vegetarian, kosher or have other dietary restrictions. Most hotels and caters offer tastings, and whether or not they charge for them, it’s a must. What sounds delicious in print might not taste that way in person, plus tastings are a great way to sample items that you might not normally consider.

Sit down meals are still popular but more couples are favoring food stations and buffets as a way of presenting a more varied menu. These set-ups also provides an opportunity for guests to mingle and give your day a less formal, more intimate feel.

When choosing entrees, most brides and grooms stick to conventional choices like filet mignon, beef, salmon or swordfish in an effort to please both young and older palates. With appetizers, you can be a bit more adventurous since you’re looking for variety.

Barbara Cotter of Struck Catering in Worcester told us that “Most brides and grooms have their own particular tastes. They want a little bit of flavor but consider what other people like or don’t like.”

Couples can make choices that are crowd pleasers without compromising on taste.

“Instead of going with wasabi mashed potatoes, a couple might choose mashed potatoes with chives, to throw in a bit of a twist and keep it safe,” Cotter said.

Pulse’s Twisted Etiquette Diva Says,
“Let’s Talk Bathroom Baskets!”

…OK, now this might seem like a strange segue, from where the meal goes in to where the meal goes…well, never mind, just hear me out. We need to talk about the Bathroom Baskets, those complementary decorative collections that are both pretty reminders of your wedding color scheme AND really do serve a purpose. First and foremost is the food connection you thought I was making up ~ these baskets, provided by the bride, should absolutely contain ~ in both the men’s and ladies’ room ~ toothpicks, mouthwash, mints (or those new-fangling breath strips that make you walk around like a dog with peanut butter for a good three minutes or so), even a couple of disposable toothbrushes and mini toothpastes. Your guests don’t want to be wandering around with chunks of spinach in their teeth, smelling like old garlic. It’s a good idea to throw some aspirin in, too, on the off chance that your guests have been drinking (perish the thought). For the ladies’ basket, also add in some pantyhose, perfume, hair spray, nail polish, Emery boards, feminine products (Go crazy! Get an assortment!), needle and thread, and hair pins. For the guys’, condoms. Kidding again (although, I kid you not, I did attend one wedding where the bride had provided said item in the men’s room basket ~ and was none too happy when her twin 6 year old nephews came running into the main hall with condom water balloons)! Sorry guys, but you’re a kind of boring when it comes to the little frills, so the only additional stuff you really need is shoe polish, a nail file, and maybe a comb.

The Bride Takes the Cake

There is nothing more symbolic of a wedding than the cake. These days, they’re no longer topped by miniature brides and grooms but by fresh and sugar flowers.

“You’d be surprised at how many brides are more traditional and want traditional wedding cakes,” said Michelle Bohigian of Something Sweet by Michelle in Worcester.

Bohigian says that most brides want cakes with white butter cream frosting with simple decorations like dotted Swiss patterns and swags and garlands made with royal icing. They favor more creative fillings: dark and white chocolate, lemon or coconut cakes layered with flavored mousses and fresh berries.

Smashing the cake into your beloved’s face is not a good way to start off a marriage. And don’t bother saving the top of your wedding cake ~ anything that sits in the freezer for a year tastes lousy.

Instead, for your first anniversary, spring for a small cake, a bottle of champagne and toast the fact that you not only survived your wedding, but your first year of marriage.

It’s only fair that some part of the wedding be exclusively for the groom, right (and I don’t mean the sexy lingerie you’ll be breaking out for the honeymoon!)? Why not commission a groom’s cake for him?

Groom’s cake in the shape of his favorite ball (SPORTS ball, Silly!) ~ very nice.

Groom’s cake in the shape of his prized Harley ~ extra nice.

Groom’s cake in the shape of his favorite Victoria’s Secret model ~ you are the BEST WIFE EVER!

Wedding Traditions Unveiled
By Leslie Marin

Sure, we’re all familiar with today’s wedding traditions ~ something borrowed, something blue, matching bridesmaids…the whole nine yards. But where did these traditions come from ~ did someone have too much time on his or her hands and decide one day to invent them or do they have actual historical roots and significance?

Why the Honeymoon?

Long ago, many marriages came about by capture, not by choice. When a man decided it was time to take a bride, that’s exactly what he’d do ~ he’d take one, carrying off a usually unwilling woman to a secret “storage” place where her relatives and friends couldn’t find them. While the moon progressed through all its phases ~ about 30 days, or a month as we know it ~ the couple would hide from the world and drink a heady brew concocted from honey. And that’s not only the history, that’s also where we get the word “honeymoon.”

When Did All Wedding Attendants Start Dressing Alike?

It was once common for the bride, her groom and all their friends to walk together to the church on the morning of the wedding. So that someone, perhaps a spurned former suitor, wouldn’t attack the happy couple and put a curse on them, the groom’s friends wore clothes almost identical to his and the bride’s friends almost identical to hers; these disguises supposedly threw evil wishers off the track, thus letting the real bride and groom live happily ever after, sans curse.

The Garter

In ancient Israel, brides wore a blue ribbon to symbolize their fidelity to their new husbands. The tossing of the garter evolved from a bawdy ritual called “flinging the stocking.” In Great Britain, part of the wedding celebration included guests playfully storming the bridal chamber. The ushers would grab the bride’s stockings and the maids would snatch the groom’s. Then they’d take turns sitting at the end of the bed flinging the stocking at the couple’s heads. Whoever managed to land a stocking on the bride’s or groom’s nose would supposedly be the next to marry.

Why Does the Bride Carry Flowers?

For centuries, flowers have stood for a variety of emotions and values ~ lilies for virtue, roses for love, etc. In ancient marriages, brides carried herbs beneath their veils to symbolize their fidelity. Greek brides carried ivy as a symbol of never-ending love. Then The Spaniards chose orange blossoms to represent both happiness and fulfillment, because the orange tree flowers and bears fruit simultaneously. During even earlier times of “primitive marriage,” when the fear of demons was most prevalent, the brides carried stinking garlands of herbs and spices for the purpose of frightening off evil spirits.

Why Something Blue?

Brides of ancient Israel wore blue ribbons on the border of their wedding cloths to symbolize love, modesty and fidelity. Blue also denoted the purity of the Virgin Mary and is the most popular of all colors.

Why Does the Groom Carry the Bride Across the Threshold?

During the days of “marriage by capture,” the bride was certainly not going to go peacefully into the bridegroom’s abode, thus, she was dragged or carried across the threshold. In even earlier times, it was believed that family demons followed the woman and to keep her family demons from going into the groom’s home, she was carried across the threshold upon her entering for the first time. After that, the demons could not enter as she would come in and go out of the home.

Why an Engagement Ring?

In the early days of “Marriage by Purchase,” the betrothal ring served a twofold purpose: it was counted as partial payment for the bride and was a symbol of the groom’s honorable intentions. The diamond was found first in Medieval Italy, and ~ because of its hardness ~ was chosen to represent enduring love.

Why the Third Finger of the Left Hand?

In ancient times, people believed that there was a vein in the third finger of the left hand that ran directly to the heart. Thus, the ring being placed on that finger to show the strong heartfelt connection and commitment that a couple was making to each other. Although with the advent of modern autopsies this long held belief was found to be incorrect, the tradition endured. Medieval bridegrooms placed the ring on that third finger to symbolize God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and the custom became and still is the standard for most English-speaking cultures. In some European countries, however, the ring is worn on the left hand before marriage and is then moved to the right hand during the ceremony. A Greek Orthodox bride wears her ring on her left had before marriage and then moves it to her right hand after the ceremony.

Why a Wedding Cake?

Beginning in early Roman times, the cake has been a special part of the wedding celebration. A thin wheat loaf was broken over the bride’s head at the close of the ceremony to symbolize fertility and the guests gathered up the crumbs as good luck charms. During the Middle Ages, it became traditional for the couple to kiss over a small cluster of cakes. Later, when a clever baker decided to combine the three cakes together and cover them with frosting, the modern multi-level cake was born.

Where Did the Tradition of Tossing the Bouquet Come From?

Why did a bride decide to toss her bouquet into a throng of her single female guests? The tradition began in medieval England when guests or even uninvited onlookers (an ancient version of today’s wedding crasher!) would tear at the bride’s clothing and flowers to share in her happiness. While fleeing from the overenthusiastic mob, the bride would toss her bouquet to placate them. At some point, people started believing that whoever caught this offering from the bride would be next in line for the ultimate happiness, marriage.