thePULSEPulseTUBE – TV Guy’d
By Kevin Hyzak
Glued to your tube? If you are seriously dedicated to killing off precious brain cells, try to do in a discriminating fashion. When your brain turns to mush way before you get your AARP card, you will lament watching the “My Super Sweet Sixteen” marathon on your day off, trust me. (Note: “My Super Sweet Sixteen” is one of the two shows total alternated on MTV’s programming schedule; it can be seen in 12 hour blocks immediately following the “Rob and Big” marathon ~ please don’t ask how I know this. Thank you.) Here are tips for savvy small screen vegetation:
Prison Break ~ This show totally reminds me of The Shawshank Redemption – it’s cerebral, engaging, and packed with action. Except The Shawshank Redemption ended, eventually. It’s a crime (oh I do slay myself), but good shows like this are never brought to any type of resolution ~ they just continue until they get cancelled. (ß Insert “Debbie Downer” sound effect here) It almost makes me want to get a full body tattoo, although I’d get a map of Six Flags, hang out at the theme park, and show chicks where they are.
House, M.D. ~ Even though the writers have been MAD LIBing the script since half way through the first season, the show does have some redeeming qualities. First of all, it’s shot at my alma mater, Princeton University ~ the “hospital” is actually the student center / pizza place. Second, while your understanding of the Hippocratic Oath will be severely warped, you will notice an immediate increase in your vocabulary. Words and phrases like “phlebotomy,” “sporadic mitochondrial myopia,” and “pompous d*ckhead” will begin rolling off your tongue with ease. Ultimately, though, no one can deny the pure entertainment value of a bitter, limping, Vicodin-addicted doctor who hates the world gambling with human lives for his own personal glory. God bless America.
Medium ~ (Is this even still on the air?) OK, I can’t resist…Here’s a great idea. Let’s use woman’s intuition to fight crime! Brilliant. Although, on the “plus side” (ß pun intended, wink) the lead character may be a Medium, but certain parts of her anatomy are definitely extra-large. Bonus! With a crime fighter like this, who needs the Patriot Act?!
Lost ~ The show is puzzling, intriguing, deep, and dark. It’s awesome. A mysterious island, random but interconnected strangers, bizarre military experiments, polar bears . . . it’s great. But, like most people, I just cannot see how everything will tie together in the end. And, I’m pretty sure, neither can the writers. I mean, what are they thinking?! At this point they’re just stalling for time. When they finally get cancelled they will be popping champagne corks. In the meantime, enjoy the show for what it is: an excuse to lech over Kate and/or Sawyer.
CSI/NCIS ~ Any cities out there that have not yet been tagged for crime drama yet? Worcester? Don’t worry, we’ll get to you. They could add CSI – Lunenburg, for all I care. I would still watch it. These shows are formulaic junk food. Plus, you can justify watching it because they use science. There’s a lab? Good enough for me.
