thePULSEMy Worst Summer Date EVER
Soft porn, seagull poop, and a run-in with my ex!
By Nicole Steina
Summer is almost here and with the warm weather comes mini golf, moonlit walks, sun-drenched days at the beach, and (if you’re lucky!) summer romances. So when the guy I’d met out with my friends one night called me the next day to ask me out on a day date for the following weekend, I of course said yes (he seemed really nice and genuinely different than most of the men I’d been dating). Anxiously awaiting that Saturday, the anticipation of a great first date kept a smile on my face.
My date picked me up at the house at about 10:00 a.m. and informed me that we would be going to one of my favorite beaches in Gloucester. Great news! We arrived at the beach at about 11:30 a.m. and parked the car…and we should have cut our losses and ended the date right there! I ducked into the ladies’ changing room to put my bikini on and ~ really looking forward to getting the date underway! ~ rushed out of the door at a breakneck speed…without checking to make sure the strings on my bikini top were tied securely. And yup, you guessed it, one whole side of the top fell down and exposed my entire left boob! Hello, world, meet my hoo-ha. Hoo-ha, wave hello. The look on my date’s face was priceless. Oh, the humiliation! I regained my dignity (I hope!) and we found a place on the sand to spread out our blanket. After we put the rest of our stuff down, it was time for a dip in the ocean. That pretty much went without incident ~ so I was lulled into a false sense of security. BUT not for long…
It was getting to be lunch time so we started out of the water ~ and that’s when I realized that the yellow bikini I had on had become oh-so-transparent when it hit the water (excuse me, where was the freakin’ WARNING label?!). Needless to say, my first date with a new guy was rapidly becoming just an all-around soft porn peep show (Left hoo-ha, say hello again to the nice man. Right hoo-ha and southern hoo-ha, just smile and try not to make eye contact.).
So my only mission at this point was trying to stay fully clothed and salvage the rest of the day. I decided to go up to the snack bar and get us lunch ~ and my date, still attempting to maintain some sort of first-date chivalry despite having seen my unmentionables, said he’d come with me to help carry. And wouldn’t y’know it (the Date Gods were obviously having fun with me today), as I…we…approached the counter, I noticed a very familiar-looking back-of-a-head in front of us…MY EX! Somebody, please just put me out of my misery…somehow a nekked boob now seemed like a just a minor bump (no pun intended!) in the road when compared to staring straight into the face (yes, of course he’d turned around…I’m sure my yelp of “Oh crap!” had nothing to do with it!) of the man who had broken, shredded, and stomped on my heart just a few months ago. We locked eyes and began a fairly long and wonderfully awkward conversation in front of my date.
The poor guy looked like a little kid stuck in an adult conversation and not able to get a word in edgewise. He finally interrupted (either to save himself or me, I’m not sure which) and suggested we take our food back to the blanket and eat. I was thankful for the out. We sat down and I was trying to forget/ recover from the awkwardness of what had just happened when I noticed some kids behind us throwing bread to the seagulls. I turned to tell them not to do that when there are people are around but it was too late…Bird crap right on my head. Now, I hear that it’s supposed to be good luck when a seagull does this but let me tell ya…
So a day that had started out with such promise officially went down in infamy as my worst date ever! We left the beach pretty soon after the seagull incident (if there had been any shred of hope for any sort of romance it had officially disappeared with the soft gull “sploosh”) since my mood was shot and my poor date was obviously horrified that he’d ever though of asking me out. Needless to say, he never called again…and after that date, who could blame him!
Planning the Perfect First Date
The Four Ss ~ Summer, Sun, Someone Special
By Linnea Sheldon
It’s the perfect time of year to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather ~ and that makes it the perfect time of year to find (or be found by!) someone special to share the sun longer days. Rather than spending your date nights in a stuffy restaurant or crowded bar, why not use a little creativity and come up with some ideas for using the season to your advantage. Not only will your date will be grateful for the time and effort you put into planning the outing, but it’s also an easy way to stand out from all the other textbook dates he or she has been on in the past.
For those of you who like to go with the tried and true, how about packing a picnic and driving to a nice outdoor park? Find a spot with a great view and set out your blanket. Pack simple finger foods like crackers and cheese, fruit, sandwiches, etc. Bring a bottle of sparkling water or, if it’s allowed, a nice bottle of wine. The great thing about outdoor picnics is that the laid back atmosphere will put your date at ease, and if you can’t think of anything to say you can always point out some of the nature surrounding you. For a special touch, bring a little “I was thinking of you” gift for your date ~ not something expensive or fancy, just something that is personalized to the man or woman you are with…a wildflower, a book, napkins with a picture of his/her favorite hobby on them…even just plates and cups in his or her favorite color…be creative and subtle and it’ll mean a lot.
A mini boat-excursion requires just a bit more planning and is a little more exotic than a land date. Take your date out on the water and enjoy each other’s company as you paddle around enjoying the refreshing breeze. You can even do a picnic on the boat, again keeping your food selection nice and simple. They say there’s something about the gentle swaying of a boat that is extra sensual!
For a more active outdoor date, try a hike or a bike ride. There are plenty of local trails and bike paths that are be perfect for this sort of thing. An activity like this will make it easier to bond with your date because you will be having fun and the adrenaline boost from the physical activity will feel great. If you’re looking for even more adventure, try surfing or another higher-impact sport ~ just make sure your date is comfortable with it first.
Another fun outdoor activity that doesn’t require too much preparation or cash is building a campfire at a local campsite. How much better can a summer night get than toasting marshmallows or popping some popcorn over a crackling fire! Bring some music, cozy up to each other in the woods, swap ghost stories… Campfires are great for double and triple dates, too!
If you’re looking to do something really special ~ something that will really make your date say, “WOW!,” try lining up a hot air balloon ride. This is a truly unforgettable date. The rides are dependent on the weather, but if everything goes smoothly, what could be more romantic than floating off into the sunset together?
Baseball games are a great way to show that you know how to have fun ~ and they’re an especially great first date for the sports fanatics out there. Worcester’s own Tornadoes games are the perfect backdrop ~ and evening games are the perfect excuse to bring a blanket and get a little closer if the vibe is there! Sporting events serve a two-fold secret purpose, too ~ Not only can you find out if your date shares your appreciation of/obsession with sports, you can also find out how high/low maintenance he or she is! If you’re looking for someone adventurous and “wash-n-go,” try taking your date to the amusement park. See if he or she can let loose and just go with the flow or if they’re just worried about their hair and outfit the entire time (now guys, don’t EVEN pretend it’s only us ladies who can be high-maintenance…don’t EVEN!).
If you and your date are really the outdoorsy types, an orchard date might be just the thing for you. Take in the scenery and pick up some fruit or baked goods. There’s always good people-watching, too, and the scent from the fruit trees wafting through the air is pretty romantic. Public gardens are also great places to take a stroll. Tower Hill Botanic Garden is a great place to enjoy nature, check out some gardens and easy trails, and even do a little bird watching. Quabbin or Wachusett Reservoir are also a great local landmarks to explore ~ and a picnic makes them even better. Purgatory Chasm is a favorite, too, and adds a little more sense of adventure.
The Worcester area offers tons of great locations and events ~ Southwick’s Zoo, Old Sturbridge Village, the Elm Park Summer Concert Series, Jazz at Sunset at the Ecotarium (be sure to check out the stars ~ if you’ve brushed up your astrology before your night out, you’ll be sure to impress your date!). Window shopping down Highland Street during the day or into the evening is a leisurely way to get to know someone (be sure to grab an iced coffee at the Bean Counter for the stroll), and annual events like the Summer Nationals or your town’s Fourth of July fireworks displays give you the opportunity to get to know someone without the worry of awkward silences ~ when there’s activity all around you, there’s always something to talk about if the conversation lags…but since it’s happening around you and not to you, it doesn’t have to get in the way of one-on-one conversation (and those oh-so-important flirty looks!).
If your date is cut short by some rainy weather try taking a stroll in the rain, go puddle jumping, or just tuck yourselves away in a little coffee shop and wait for the storm to pass. The most important thing (if you like the person and want a second date!) is to be attentive to the individual you’re with and make him or her feel special. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re just one in a long line of first dates. So be attentive, creative, and warm, and chances are you’ll get to plan and experience all different kinds of dates with this new person!
