thePULSEAlone for the holiday
An on-campus Thanksgiving survival guide
November 2004 – You think turkeys have it tough on Thanksgiving? Try spending this usually food-filled, family holiday alone in a dorm room with a meal from a school cafeteria… Ok, maybe turkeys have it a little tougher.
It can be rough to be stuck at school in late November. If you’re a student looking at an on-campus turkey day you need to be prepared. Here’s some sage advice on how to survive the holiday.
First of all let’s face it, you’re a college student, which means you’re broke and can’t cook. An innate, evolutionary ability — mooching — will probably be your key to making it through the weekend.
This writer has honed this skill to the point of perfection through a tireless dedication to laziness. The rest of you may need to practice. Here’s a quick beginner’s course for you novices. Repeat the following: “Are you going to eat that?” “Can I have a bite?” “No, you didn’t leave your sandwich here.” Make sure you’re saying this last one with a mouthful of somebody else’s sandwich.
Of course, just grabbing snacks shouldn’t be your goal for this holiday. Ideally, you want to leech yourself onto a friend’s family. That way you get all the fixings – dinner, dessert and company. This probably won’t require any advanced mooching techniques.
Without a surrogate family, you are either going to have to front some cash or settle for cafeteria food (if one is open). For all you lucky pilgrims who have managed to save up a sock full of loose change, you can buy yourself a quality thanksgiving meal. Here’s how (think of me as a cheap, generic Martha Stewart… who’s not in jail… and is a dude… and can’t cook…)
You don’t need to defrost a frozen thirty-pound bird to enjoy some turkey. Get some cold cuts. The supermarket not only prepares the turkey for you, the guy with the plastic gloves will even carve the bird for you. All you have to do is roll those slices up and smother them in gravy. Gravy is like nature’s culinary band-aid — it makes any meal “all better.” Pick up a can (or squeezable tube) of the stuff and you should be all set. If you’re loaded, you could even get some Stovetop stuffing for a couple of bucks. Not bad, huh?
Cafeterias sometimes stay open for the weekend. In that case, it can be a good place to see who else is stuck on campus. Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone there. Holidays give you a free pass for socially awkward behavior. Don’t abuse it, but enjoy it. And as far as cafeteria food goes, here’s a quick rule of thumb: if it’s served with an ice cream scoop and it ain’t ice cream, don’t put it in your mouth.
This Thanksgiving, no matter where you are or how you get your meal, remember to call the people you love and tell them how much they mean to you… then ask them to send money!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
